


Just Like Starting Over

by alpacamybags



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Emotionally Hurt Jack Kline, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jack Kline as God, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, and a lot of it, and hugs, because three year olds don't instantly recover from sudden parent loss okay, but it's okay there's lots of talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27792997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpacamybags/pseuds/alpacamybags
Summary: Cas and Jack reform Heaven, while Jack struggles with the pressures of being the new God.
Relationships: Amara & Jack Kline, Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel & Jack Kline & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Kelly Kline (Supernatural), Jack Kline & Kelly Kline
Comments: 34
Kudos: 60





	1. Next

**Author's Note:**

> This is the Dadstiel and Son fix Heaven fic that I know I needed after that finale. So, enjoy! My goal with this story is to fill in a lot of the gaps we were left with (I'm actually thrilled with Cas and Jack's ending, because they're together, I'm just bummed we didn't get to see it) and also address the fact that Cas... you know. Died. Because that's undoubtedly traumatic for Jack, even if he's cosmic. Also, though I fully believe Jack will do a wonderful job as God, I'm sure that's not going to go off without a hitch, because he's still a kid. So I'm attempting to address that angst as well. :)
> 
> Title from the John Lennon song.

Taking on Chuck’s powers didn’t make Jack feel very different. He felt… bigger, almost. Like he could see further without squinting. He felt wiser, like new knowledge had been implanted into his mind. He didn’t know what it was- maybe he wouldn’t know what he knew until he needed to use it. But he knew it was _there_. 

Amara was the biggest change. It was a rush, but then she was just... present. An essence in his mind, one he knew he could easily separate from. She didn’t seem to want out immediately, though, and Jack knew her power would help him bring everybody back. 

They spoke during the car ride back to civilization, after leaving Chuck stranded on that beach.

Jack closed his eyes and found himself in a meadow, full of colorful wildflowers. Amara stood among them, looking serene. She opened her eyes and looked at him. 

“Hello, nephew,” she said, tilting her head. “You’ve taken on my brother’s powers.”

“I have, yes.” Jack looked around. “Where are we?”

Amara shrugged. “Everywhere and nowhere. It’s a sort of dimension where we can communicate, just the two of us. That is, if you’re taking on my brother’s job.”

Jack hesitated. Was he? Could he be the new god? 

“Do you think I should?” he asked, stepping closer. 

“Somebody has to,” she replied. 

“But… wouldn’t it be okay to leave the position open? So that everyone has free will?”

She sighed, leaning down beside a tall sunflower to run her fingers along its petals. 

“The universe still needs someone to oversee things, Jack. You can be hands-off, learn from Chuck’s mistakes, but you’ll still need to be present.”

Jack reached to the side to touch a flower of his own, intrigued by how crisp and yet soft it was. 

“Why does it have to be me?” he asked. The truth was, he didn’t know what he wanted out of life, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to be in charge of everything. He knew he wanted his family to be happy, but that was already impossible. His mother was dead. Dean didn’t think of him as family. Sam always stretched himself thin trying to make sure everyone around him was okay, so maybe Jack leaving would help him feel better. And Cas… Cas was dead now too. Jack didn’t let himself dwell on that. He didn’t think he could.

“Because it has to be you,” Amara replied. “But you won’t be alone. I can help you. And I can feel that you're…” she let go of her flower to move closer to him, her eyes seeming to look right through him. “I know you’ve always wanted to do good in this world. Think of this as the opportunity to do the ultimate good, and bring peace and freedom to all.”

_Your mother… She believed that you would do amazing things. She said that you would change the world for the better. And now, looking at you, talking to you- I know that she was right. That we were right._

“What do I do?” Jack looked at Amara, seeking guidance. She gripped his hands in her cool ones, holding their clasped palms between them. 

“Just close your eyes. I’ll help you.”

\-----------

With Amara’s assistance, bringing everybody back was easy. And it felt right. 

It was after he said his goodbye to the Winchesters that he started to feel uncertain again.

“Amara?” he asked, standing in the meadow once more. 

“Yes?” she hummed, seemingly unbothered. 

“What do we do now? Do we stay… like this? Connected?”

“For now. We’ll need to travel to the other universes, to repair the damage there as well. Some of them might be unfixable, but we have to try.” Amara tilted her head, eyes softening. “But there’s no rush. I know you have things you need to do, and you have to get yourself in order first. I’ll be waiting.” 

Jack frowned. “You don’t want to go back to Earth and wait there?”

A shrug. “It’s peaceful here. And besides- we will finally get to know each other. Which, I believe, will be good for the both of us.”

He smiled. He was happy he was finally getting to know a cosmic family member. “Thank you,” he said, though that didn’t convey half of what he was feeling. He was just grateful to not be alone.

“Of course. Now, go and follow your heart. We have all the time in the world.”

\----------

Jack’s heart took him to a familiar door in a barren hallway. He pushed it open, only a small breath of trepidation in his soul, and walked inside.

In this memory the sun was warm and bright, the grass green and vibrant. It was beautiful. But on the memory house’s steps, with a book in her hands, sat Kelly Kline. And she was even more beautiful than Jack remembered.

“Hello,” he said, waving. Kelly looked up, recognition taking over her face in the form of a wide, breathless smile. And then her book was abandoned on that green grass because she ran to him, and he ran to her, and Jack was hugging his mother desperately. 

“Hi, baby,” she said, pulling back to look at him with her hands on his cheeks. “Oh, Jack, you look so grown up. Wait.” She stepped back, swallowing hard. Jack held on to her hands. “You’re not dead again, are you? You can’t be-”

“I’m okay,” he said, and Kelly instantly relaxed. Jack squeezed her hands lightly, trying to offer comfort. He hoped it worked. “I promise. I’m not dead.”

“Oh, thank god.” She laughed, a lone tear tracing down her cheek. Jack didn’t think it was a sad tear, though. “But, if you’re not dead, then how are you…”

“I have a lot to tell you, mom.”

\----------

For someone who hadn’t grown up around the supernatural, Kelly took everything Jack told her in stride. She listened as they sat and Jack talked, the two of them still hand in hand. Kelly’s thumbs went back and forth over Jack’s knuckles periodically, and when he got to difficult parts of the story she tightened her grip ever so slightly. It was support Jack was endlessly grateful for.

“Well,” Kelly said, still in a little bit of disbelief. “Will you be back to visit? In between fixing universes with your magical great-aunt, of course.” She smiled, but Jack’s returned one felt forced. Now that he finally had time with his mother, he wanted to stay. And he knew that made him selfish, but that didn’t mean he felt it any less. 

“Of course I’ll visit,” he said.

“And what about Castiel? I know he’d want to see you again.” 

Jack ducked his head to the side, avoiding Kelly’s eyes. He’d glossed over that part of the story, not wanting to say it out loud. 

“Jack? Sweetie, what’s wrong?” 

He closed his eyes, squeezing them tight. He didn’t want to cry. 

“Cas is gone,” he managed through the lump in his throat. He heard Kelly’s gasp, and he forced himself to look at her, tears fighting their way through his eyelashes. “I wasn’t there to save him. I didn’t even get to say goodbye, mom. I-”

As everything he’d been holding down bubbled to the surface, Kelly took him into her arms. He buried his face in her shoulder, trying to breathe through the wave of crushing loss and tears that overtook him. It felt like he was drowning.

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, Jack. I’m here. I’m right here.” 

Kelly’s hands rubbed at his back, and somehow it helped him to breathe. 

He sat up, not knowing how long he’d been crying, and Kelly thumbed away another tear. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t want to waste our time like this. I just-”

“Shh. It’s okay. Sometimes you just have to cry it out." It was the opposite of the Winchester mentality. “It’s okay, Jack. I promise. I’ll miss him too, and I wasn’t as close to him as you were.”

Jack nodded. Bit his lip. “It’s not fair.”

“It never is.” 

They sat in heavy silence, Kelly’s arm around Jack’s shoulders. 

“I’m no expert,” Kelly said, “but can’t you use your powers to go and see him? Like you’re visiting me, now?” 

Jack shot upright. It was like a lightbulb had been turned on. “I can. I can! Why didn’t I think of that?” He smiled, hope blooming like Amara’s wildflowers inside him. “I can do better than that. I can bring him back! I’ve done it before.” 

He stood and started pacing around, suddenly needing to release some energy. 

“Jack, slow down.” Kelly stood with him, walking a few steps so they were facing each other. “Don’t do anything reckless. I still need you to be safe.” 

“It’s not reckless. I can fix it.” Jack pleaded with his eyes. He _needed_ to do this. After everything Cas had given up for him, Jack had to take the time to resurrect him. And, beyond that, Jack just wanted him back. Why, _why_ , hadn’t he thought of it earlier!

“Promise me you’ll be safe.” 

Jack looked into his mother’s eyes, and some of the situation’s severity started to bleed back into him. She was right- this was potentially dangerous. Cas would want him to be careful. So would Sam, and Dean, and everyone he’d ever cared about. Amara too, no doubt. 

But Jack could take care of himself. 

“I promise,” he said. He meant it. “I’ll be right back. Will you be okay here?” 

Kelly looked around, helplessly. “As okay as I usually am.” 

“Good. I’ll see you soon, I promise.” Jack waited for Kelly’s stunned nod, before he willed himself to the Empty’s inky depths. 

He materialized silently, mindful of the Shadow’s ears. And then he paused, unsure of what to do next. Did he just call out for Cas? 

His wondering was cut short by a voice from behind him, one he’d worried he’d never hear again.

“Hello, Jack.” 

“Cas?”


	2. Rescue Mission

“Cas,” Jack whispered, feeling a rush of emotions all at once. He didn’t know where to start processing them. He almost just ran at him, needing to feel that Castiel was really there again, but at the last second he caught the differences and stilled, keeping his feet rooted to the spot. The smirk, the hands tucked into the trench coat pockets… this wasn’t Castiel. 

“You,” he said, stiffening. 

“Very good! You’re quicker than that papa bear of yours,” said the Shadow, wearing a twisted grin on Castiel’s face.

Jack resisted the urge to glare. The Shadow was just another being, like all of the rest. Different motivations did not make it evil. “Wake him up,” he demanded, keeping his voice level. Calm. “I’m here to take him back to Heaven with me.” 

The Shadow tilted its facsimile head, eyes wild. “Oh, you think that just because you’ve got a little power boost you can boss me around, hmm? Well, I’ve got news for you, champ. God’s not supposed to have power in my domain.” 

“I’m not God. I’m me. And I’ve always had pull here, so I can make you do what I say. But, I’d prefer it if we came to an agreement instead.” 

“You want to make a deal with me?” It laughed, sharp and pitched wrong for that voice. “It’s so _loud_ now, because of you, and you expect to make a deal with me?” 

“I’m sorry?” Jack didn’t understand. He knew he’d done something in the Empty, because of Billie’s spell, but he didn’t think…

“You made it loud,” the Empty said, drawing closer. Jack resolutely did not step back. “You woke everyone up. You made it so that nobody can sleep in here, which means I’m never going to get any rest. Are you happy? Hmm?”

“I never meant to do that,” Jack said. “I’m sorry. I can help you put everyone back to sleep, and then you can have your quiet. I just… I just need Castiel back.”

It looked at him piercingly, eyes narrowed. It began to circle him, never breaking its stare. 

“You would help me restore order?”

“Yes. I would.” 

“Hmm.” It grabbed on to Jack’s collar, pulling him close, to inches from its face. “Why?”

“Because you and I don’t have to be enemies. Let me help you, and then everything can go back to the way it’s supposed to be.” 

The Shadow let him go, stepping back without breaking its stare. “And all you want in return is Castiel.”

Jack lifted his chin. “Yes.”

It nodded, lips turned down in a mocking frown. “Well, that sounds easy. But, I’m afraid, no dice.”

Jack’s heart sank. “Why not?” 

“Oh, because my deal came through,” It said. “And a deal is a deal is a deal. Life contracts, especially- whew! Can’t fight those, kiddo. Goes against all the laws of the universe, blah blah blah.” 

“The deal came through?” Jack’s voice lost all of its bravado, coming out as more of a strangled gasp. He hadn’t thought… 

The Shadow spoke again, this time with an uncharacteristic lack of mirth. “What, that Dean Winchester didn’t tell you? After what he heard?”

Jack’s heart felt like it was pounding out of sync, his blood too loud in his ears and his grace whirring like the Impala’s engine. “What do you mean? What did he hear?”

The Shadow’s resounding laugh shouldn’t have taken Jack by surprise, but it felt like it jarred his very bones. 

“Well, I don’t want to be the one to drop _that_ on your shoulders, kiddo. And you’re still stuck- my deal is done, your daddy’s mine.”

Jack took a deep breath, stilling his spinning thoughts. He had to be firm. He could do this. He could get Cas back, and figure out the rest later. “If you don’t give him to me,” he said. “Then I’ll leave you here, with everyone awake. But I will help you go back to sleep if you let him go. I promise.”

“Oh, right, you promise. Because I totally believe you.”

“Please,” Jack said, voice cracking. “Please. I need him.”

“Now that I can believe.” And it was back to circling him, each rotation in time with one of Jack’s shaky breaths. “I can see your power, boy. You’re glowing with it, more so than usual. But underneath all of it, all that sugary-false wisdom, you’re still just a scared little boy, aren’t you? So scared, so afraid of being unloved.”

Jack clenched his jaw, not saying a word. 

“But I’m tired, child. So you promise me that I get my sleep, uninterrupted, or I’ll take everyone. If I wake up again I’ll snatch your Castiel right back, maybe take that mother of yours too. Oh, that’d break you right in two, wouldn’t it? Maybe I’ll even take your precious Winchesters, oh, yes. Everyone you’ve ever loved will be mine if you break your promise. Raised stakes, how does that sound? Still worth it for a trench-coated shoulder to cry on?”

The dark absence all around seemed to cave in and crush him. Jack swallowed, hard. Was he being selfish? Was it too much of a risk? 

Then he thought about Cas, and how kind he was. Jack could remember him protecting his mother before Jack was even born. He remembered watching Cas when they were on hunts, the way he valued every human life. He remembered the way Cas looked after Sam and Dean, pulling Sam away from late-night research so he would sleep or pulling a bottle out of Dean’s hands in the mornings. Cas deserved to live, because he was _good_. 

Jack also remembered the trench coat wrapped around him while he was dying, a warm hand always nearby to squeeze his shoulder. He remembered sleepy rides in Cas’ truck after hunts with just the two of them, and how nice those always were. He remembered Connect Four and midnight cereal, _because I love you_ and _because you’re you_. He remembered _take me instead_ , uttered without a trace of hesitation.

“Bring him back,” he said, and the Shadow rolled its eyes. 

“Ugh, fine. I hope you know the risk you’re taking.” It waved its hand, and then sludge gurgled up from the ground, or the closest approximation of it. As it dissipated it revealed the form it held trapped- and there, choking on the essence of nothing in great big ugly gasps, was Castiel. 

Jack ran to him, falling to his knees and clapping a hand on his back as Cas doubled over in a coughing fit, shuddering as the last tendrils of the substance left his body.

“You’re okay, Cas. You’re okay.” 

“Jack?” It was a rasp, but the cadence of it was right. Not the Shadow. _Castiel_. 

“I’m getting you out. It’s okay.” 

“Jack…” Cas couldn’t get another word out, collapsing back to the ground in another fit, this one dry and dehydrated. Like his throat had been flayed from the inside out. Scraped raw. 

Jack looked up at the Shadow, who was staring down at them with an expression of simultaneous boredom and disdain. It had shifted back into its previous form, the blond woman. 

“What did you do to him?” Jack demanded. His fingers curled into the fabric of Cas’ coat, trying to do something to offer support as Cas hacked up more of the Empty’s goo. 

“Well, I had to keep everyone quiet somehow, didn’t I?” 

“Everyone?” Cas’ voice was wrecked and wretched, but the Shadow paid that no mind. It just raised an eyebrow and tilted its head. 

“Yes, Clarence. Your boy wonder woke everyone up with his little light show, so it wasn’t just you I had to shut up the old fashioned way.”

The Shadow snapped its fingers, and the endless darkness bubbled, figures coming to the surface above and below and all around them, with their faces locked in screams. The tendrils snaked everywhere, locking arms and legs and wings in place. They looped around necks and leaked out of eyes. Everyone was in agony, and utterly silent. 

Jack didn’t recognize most of them. He saw Dumah in the distance, writhing against her bonds. He didn’t see Lucifer, thankfully. 

Cas did recognize them. He stared at the nearest faces with unabashed pain in his eyes, mouth forming names Jack didn’t know. Jack clutched tighter to Cas’ arm, trying to offer some reassurance. 

“Well, kid? Aren’t you gonna put them to sleep?” 

Jack stood, closing his eyes and concentrating. He’d first woken Cas up just by thinking it, so maybe he could think everyone back to sleep… 

He opened his eyes after a long few moments, happy to see the forms that surrounded them sinking into relaxation, into their eternal slumber. The Empty retracted its tendrils from each of them, and the tension held in the Shadow’s form dissipated, a slow smile spreading across its face. 

Jack glanced back to Castiel, to find him kneeling beside the form of a sleeping angel. Jack didn’t recognize them. The vessel was a sandy-haired man, clad in a shirt with a low neckline. Cas ducked his head, eyes closed. 

“I’m sorry, my friend,” he whispered, and Jack’s heart clenched. 

Should he have fought harder for the others? The only angels he really knew outside of Castiel were Dumah and Michael and Lucifer, and none of them were good. And all the angels in Apocalypse World had been terrible. What if he’d made a mistake? Cas wouldn’t look so sad about someone bad...

“Ah, _much_ better,” said the Shadow, pulling him from his thoughts. “Nice work, kiddo. Now get out.”

“What do they dream about?” Jack asked. The Shadow raised an eyebrow, indicating Jack was trying its patience. 

“This ain’t Heaven, sweetheart. They dream about their regrets.”

Jack looked at Cas again, who was gazing around at the other sleeping angels, looking stricken. 

“Change it,” Jack said.

“Excuse me?” There was a dangerous hint to the Shadow’s voice, but Jack paid it no mind.

“Change it,” he repeated, feeling Cas turn to look at him. “Let them rest, with no bad dreams. I bet they won’t wake you up again if they’re at peace.”

The Shadow thought about it for a moment, clearly bored. Behind him, Cas stood up and walked to stand next to Jack, offering support. 

“Fine. Be quick about it, and then leave. I’m going to sleep, and I had better not see you again. Are we clear?”

Jack breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he said. “I won’t bother you again.”

“Yeah, you’d better not. Nighty night, Clarence. Be glad I’m so tired.” And the Shadow melted away, leaving Jack and Cas standing alone amongst the sleeping dead. 

Another deep breath, and with a little help from Amara, the Empty seemed to lighten. Some of that otherworldly terror faded away, and Jack was sure everyone was at peace. Either simply resting or having pleasant dreams, everyone would be alright. 

He turned back around, facing Castiel, who was watching him in a mixture of wonder and worry. 

“Jack, are you-” Jack cut him off by moving forward and wrapping his arms around him. He felt Cas’ intake of breath, sharp and surprised, but Castiel’s arms around him were strong and steady. Jack shuddered a little bit, fingers tightening in the back of Castiel’s coat. Cas just held him tighter. 

“Jack, what happened? Are you alright?” 

Jack pulled back, smiling through his blurry eyes.

“I am now,” he said. And maybe, just maybe, he was starting to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think Jack brought the other angels back. Granted, it would be awesome if he did because I love a lot of them, but he doesn't actually know them and his overall impression of angels isn't that great, so I just don't think it's a call he'd make on his own. Cas is back though (canonically!!!) so we at least have that, and that's amazing. 
> 
> As far as the update schedule goes- I'm hoping to update with two chapters at a time, weekly at most. So if I don't update in a few days, you can count on a week. Stay tuned if you're liking it, I'd love to have you along for the ride!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought :)


	3. Rewind, Rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long and plotty chapter for y'all. Hope you enjoy it!

Castiel looked at the boy in front of him, standing there with tears in his eyes, and he didn’t know what to do. It was rare that he ever did, if he was being honest. He’d told Kelly years ago that he was just winging it, and it remained true. Cas’ instincts hadn’t always led him on the right path in the past, but in one aspect of his life they typically led him well. And right now they were screaming at him to comfort his child. 

“Jack.” He kept his voice level, and he sought out eye contact. He reached out to settle a hand on Jack’s shoulder, squeezing gently. He felt like Jack could benefit from remaining in contact. “What happened?” 

Jack took a deep breath and a long blink, nearly swaying on his feet. Cas slid his hand off of the boy’s shoulder, instead hovering near his upper arm to catch him if necessary. 

“We defeated Chuck,” Jack said, finally looking at him. His eyes seemed older, far more tired than they should be. 

Castiel felt a pang he couldn’t place. Perhaps he was just mourning what he’d never had with God, what the world had never had. It was jarring. It was an unmistakable relief, but it was jarring. At least Jack was alright, or he appeared to be.

“We were the only people left,” Jack went on. “But then Michael showed up, and Lucifer-”

“What?” 

“It’s okay. He’s dead.” 

Cas exhaled, trying to stay calm. He’d never wanted Lucifer near his family again, least of all Jack or Sam. 

Jack continued. “Michael’s dead now, too. And Chuck is still on earth.”

“He’s alive? How…” 

He trailed off, and Jack flicked his eyes away, a sign of nervousness. What could he be nervous about?

“I took his powers, Cas. And then I brought everybody back.” Jack looked back at him, eyes blown wide. “Chuck… he’s human now. He won’t hurt anyone again. And Sam and Dean get to live their lives.” 

Castiel took a moment to process, almost in disbelief. “You took on the power of God?” he clarified. 

Jack swallowed hard, nodding. “Are you... okay with that?”

“Jack, why wouldn’t I be?” Cas felt himself start to smile. “You saved the world. I’m proud of you.” 

Jack smiled, a half-laugh escaping him. “Really?”

“Of course.” Cas smiled back at him, glad to see Jack was more relaxed now. “I always knew you would do great things. And your mother- I know she’d be proud of you too.”

Jack’s smile fell, his eyes going wide in a way that would be comical in other circumstances. “I have to get back.” 

“Back where?” 

“To Heaven. I was with my mother before I came to get you, and I told her I’d be right back. I don’t know how time works here, but…”

Cas nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Jack grabbed hold of Castiel’s coat sleeve, and then they were off, leaving the now sleeping Empty in peace. Hopefully they wouldn’t be back for a very long time.

They landed in Kelly’s Heaven, the sunlit grass soft underfoot. Kelly herself was pacing a line in the grass, one arm wrapped around herself and the other angled up as she nibbled on a fingernail in her nervousness. Upon seeing them she immediately relaxed, dropping her arms as she sighed in relief. 

Jack took in her distress and stepped closer. “I’m sorry,” he said. “How long was I-”

“It’s okay.” Kelly put a hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I’m just happy you’re back. That you’re both back.” She looked at Cas and smiled. 

Cas nodded. “Hello, Kelly,” he said. 

She shook her head fondly and opened her arms. Castiel moved to return the hug gratefully. 

“It’s good to see you,” he said when they pulled away. 

“You too.” 

They both looked to Jack, standing there with his eyes closed, as if deep in thought. 

“Jack?” Cas called. Jack snapped his eyes open, looking between Kelly and Castiel. 

“Jack, are you okay?” Kelly asked. 

Jack nodded. “I’m fine. I was just talking to Amara.”

Cas frowned. “You… you can do that?”

“We’re connected, so yes.” 

“...alright.” Cas didn’t know what else he could possibly say. He just accepted it.

The three of them stood in silence, and Castiel was cognizant enough to recognize that it was definitely an awkward one. Though awkwardness amongst the three of them wasn’t something he’d felt before. 

He cleared his throat. “Jack, um. What are we going to do now?”

“Amara and I have to clean up Chuck’s messes in the other universes. But first, I want to fix Heaven.”

Kelly looked from Jack to Cas, confusion written all over her face. 

“Fix it how?” Cas asked, head tilted in confusion. 

“It’s not very… heavenly. You told me before that Heaven’s not perfect, that nothing is, but I think we can make it better.”

“What do you mean?” asked Kelly. “Can you even change it? Is that… is that possible?”

“Well, the only people who can see each other here are soulmates. Whole families are never reunited. Parents and children typically aren’t. Some people will never have a soulmate, of any kind, and they shouldn’t be punished for that, because they still have people that they love. So, maybe if we break down the walls…”

“...then people would be able to reunite in Heaven,” Castiel finished. Jack nodded. 

“Yes. Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s noble. But... I’m sorry, Jack, but I don’t think it’s plausible. Heaven is weak enough as is, and without angels to shepherd the souls… letting them all run free could be exceedingly dangerous.”

Jack’s face fell, and Cas tried not to let it affect him. 

“You could do it,” Jack said, and he looked up at Castiel with so much trust that he felt overwhelmed. 

“Jack, I… I wouldn’t be enough. There’s billions of souls here, and I’m not even at full power. And besides, I haven’t exactly been a good leader in the past.” 

Jack cocked his head, eyes narrowed slightly. The movement was sudden. Unexpected. He stared directly at Cas, something unreadable written in his features.

“Jack?”

“I couldn’t see it before.”

“See what?” Kelly spoke up, worry in her eyes.

“Your wings. And your grace.” Jack met Cas’ eyes, sympathy and sadness emanating from every fibre of his being. “It hurts, doesn’t it?” 

Castiel looked away. He didn’t want to put that on Jack’s shoulders. He was simply grateful that Jack had never asked why he couldn’t fly, though he had always suspected Jack wondered. 

Jack’s hand on his shoulder broke Cas out of his thoughts. 

“Maybe I can…” Jack trailed off as he brought his other hand up to Castiel’s forehead, the pads of his fingers pressing gently against that skin. His grace flared, connecting briefly with Castiel’s own, and then the pain was gone. More than that, he was… 

He was _healed_. 

Gasping, Castiel unfurled his wings, reveling in not only the lack of pain but the way they stretched, the way his feathers all faced the right direction rather than twisting and bending and poking in ways that they weren’t made to. His grace felt full and powerful again, filling up his vessel in a way it hadn’t since before the fall. He’d forgotten what it felt like to be whole. 

He opened his eyes, only just now realizing he’d shut them in his amazement. 

“Thank you, Jack,” he said, and he meant it more than he could properly express.

Jack beamed. “You’re welcome.”

Kelly stepped closer to them, making a smaller version of the arc they’d been standing in earlier. 

“Changing Heaven… what would it mean for us? For me?”

“You wouldn’t be stuck in memories anymore. You could make anything, live anywhere you wanted. And most importantly, you could see anyone you wanted,” Jack said. 

“We’d still need more angels. And with the Empty at peace, it’s not as if we could go back there to get them.”

Jack frowned. “Well… there’s always the angels that I made!” 

It was Kelly’s turn to frown, the expression on her face eerily similar to the one on Jack’s. “You _made_ angels?”

Cas and Jack both winced. “It was a complicated situation,” said Cas. “You remember Dumah? She, uh… she led Jack astray, for a time.”

“But, what’s important is that I _did_ make more angels. I wonder where they are now.” Jack closed his eyes again, opening them a moment later. “Amara says Chuck waved them out of existence. I should be able to bring them back. Would that work?” He looked at Cas with those trust-filled eyes again. 

“I… we could try,” Cas allowed. “It would be tedious, but it might be doable. I can try to find the angels that are still alive, while you bring back the new ones.”

Jack nodded, turning towards where the door to Kelly’s Heaven rested. 

“You’re going now?” Kelly asked, a desperate edge to his voice.

“You can come with me, mom,” he said, as if it had never been a question in his mind. “You could help us keep the souls organized!”

“Jack, I don’t know anything about-” but he was already gone, out the door and into the hallway. When he was set on something, he was set. Cas started following, Kelly trailing behind. She stopped their forward movement with a hand on his arm. 

“Is this really possible?” she asked. 

“Well, I- I _think_ so. If we-” he exhaled, sharply, almost like a laugh “-if _he_ can pull this off, I believe it will make Heaven better for everyone. And I have complete faith in him.”

Kelly’s eyes flicked to the open door. 

“It’s completely safe, I assure you,” Cas said, but Kelly shook her head.

“That’s not… do you think he’s okay?” 

It caught Cas by surprise. “I… he’s strong. He will be, and if not, we’re right here.” 

“You didn’t see him. While you were dead, you didn’t see him. And the way he’s jumping from emotion to emotion- it’s worrying me, Castiel.”

He sighed. “I know. We’ll just have to keep an eye on him. Give him a little bit of space to process things. He’s been through a great deal of change in a short amount of time.”

Kelly nodded, weakly. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she confessed. “I’m just running on instinct. Instincts that are probably wrong, because I’m just a human and he’s… he’s god.”

“He’s still your son. And he loves you very dearly.”

She smiled, just a faint uptick of the lips that really wasn’t very happy at all. “I-”

She was cut off by Jack sticking his head back in through the door, that energetic grin still on his face. 

“Are you coming?” he asked. 

They nodded, sounding a chorus of yeses. Shoulder to shoulder, they followed their son out the door. 

\----------

Kelly seemed underwhelmed by the hallway. “Well… it’s bright,” she said, squinting a little bit against the onslaught of light.

They dimmed a bit, all of a sudden. “Better?” Jack asked, still completely cheerful.

“Well… yes. Thank you, Jack.” 

He hummed happily and started walking down the corridor. 

“Jack,” Cas called. Jack paused, looking back at him over his shoulder. Cas sucked in a sharp breath before continuing. “What… what exactly is your plan?”

“I’m going to bring the new angels back, and explain to them what we need to do. And then I’ll… bring down the walls.”

“I think we should slow down,” Kelly said as Cas was trying to find a way to word his concerns. “Think this through a little bit more. I worked in the government, and this is basically an administration change.”

“So what do I do?” Jack asked. He sounded nearly desperate. Cas made a note to ask him why he was so set on this, once they had a moment to breathe.

“We make a cabinet,” Kelly said. “There’s still more angels, right? We can find them, brief them on the situation, and get them to help.”

“Naomi,” Castiel said. Jack looked at him worriedly, probably picking up on the waver in his voice. “She’s well respected. We find her, and convince her to help us, and we’ll have angel help.” 

“Do you know where she is?” Jack asked. 

“I think so. And... there’s a few trustworthy humans who might be able to help us as well. I’ll go find Naomi. The two of you could find the others.”

Jack frowned. “But… I wouldn’t know them.”

“Just tell them you’re with me. If that’s not enough, you know details about Sam and Dean that should be sufficient evidence to convince them you’re to be trusted.” 

“Okay. Who is it?”

“Well…” Cas thought about it for a moment. It was enough time for Jack to manifest a notepad and pen. Kelly looked at it in amusement. “The Harvelles- Ellen and her daughter Jo. Charlie Bradbury. And Bobby Singer, of course.” He briefly considered Mary Winchester, but thought better of it. Jack likely wasn’t ready for that yet, and given what Castiel had heard about John, it didn’t seem like a good idea to ask him for help. 

Jack perked up. “This universe’s Bobby? I’d get to meet him?”

Cas smiled at Jack’s excitement. “Yes.” 

“Is that all?” Kelly asked. “Will four people be enough?”

“Unfortunately I don’t have many human connections. Perhaps they’d know a few others who would be willing to help.”

“Okay, that sounds good. Let’s go,” Jack said, reaching out for Kelly’s hand. She clasped it, sending another worried look Cas’ way as they started down the hallway.

“Be careful, Jack,” Cas said. 

“I will!” It was offhand, but with the Darkness in his head and the powers of God entwined in his grace, maybe Jack really didn’t need to be careful.

It wouldn’t stop Castiel from worrying, though. Kelly was right- Jack wasn’t doing well. And Cas didn’t know what it was yet, but he was determined to figure it out. 

\----------

Heaven’s dungeon was just like he remembered, except this time two of the cells were occupied. Naomi’s was on the far side, and she regarded him with cool disdain as he walked in. Castiel tried to stay calm, reminding himself he was no longer at the mercy of her poking and prodding and memory rearranging. He was free of her control. 

The cell closest to the door was occupied by a familiar face. 

“Bobby?” Cas asked, wholly surprised. He’d thought… well. It could have been worse, he supposed. Hannah had been in charge at the time of Bobby’s mini-revolution, he remembered with a pang. That was good, though. Hannah wouldn’t have been needlessly cruel.

“Bout time someone showed up,” Bobby said. “How long’s it been for you?”

“It’s been five years on earth. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were…” 

“What, rotting away in angelic Alcatraz? It’s not so bad. Did you get Dean all fixed up from that Mark of Cain mess?”

Cas blinked. “Oh- yes. That was a long time ago. Um… a lot has happened since I’ve last seen you.” 

“Well, ain’t that always the way.” 

Castiel inserted the key he’d retrieved on his way to the dungeon into the lock, and Bobby stepped outside the cell. 

“Thanks. What are you doing here? There another world-ending crisis I should know about?”

“No, we’ve already averted it.” 

“Oh. Good.” There was a brief beat of silence. Cas was sure this one qualified as awkward as well.

“There is something you can help with, though. Follow the doors until you reach the Harvelles. You’ll find a boy named Jack and his mother, Kelly. Jack should recognize you. They can fill you in.” 

Bobby frowned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Cas? What’s going on? Since when do folks just walk free in Heaven?”

Castiel looked over to Naomi, who was watching the exchange with a bored expression. 

“They’ll give you the details. It’s a good thing, I promise. Just… just trust me. Please.”

Bobby sighed. “Alright. Not like I’ve got much else to do. My idjits don’t happen to be with ya?”

Cas shook his head, a smile trying to tug his lips upward. “No. They’re both alive and well, I assure you.” 

“Well. In that case, I hope they take their damn time.” 

Bobby awkwardly clapped his shoulder before exiting the dungeon, leaving Castiel alone with Naomi. He took a few slow steps forward, gripping the key in his palm tighter than necessary. 

“Is freeing prisoners what you do now, Castiel?” she asked, condescension clear in her tone. 

“Naomi,” Cas said, voice tight. “I’m glad to see you’re alright.”

“No you’re not. What do you really want?”

“We need angels.” Castiel lifted his chin, trying to project a confidence he didn’t feel. “We’re going to fix Heaven.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” Naomi scoffed. “You and Lucifer’s spawn and your merry band of humans? That’s not Heaven’s way, Castiel. It never has been.”

“Maybe not. But I think a change is exactly what we need.”

Naomi brushed the wrinkles out of her pantsuit as she stood, staring him down through the bars of her cell door. 

“You have passable angels at your disposal. I felt them get created. The abominations Dumah ordered in an ego-driven grab for power. The ones the nephilim made.” 

“Jack,” Cas corrected, “did make new angels, yes. And now he’s the new boss, so you’re going to do what he says.” 

“The new boss.” Naomi’s voice was flat and controlled. Masking emotion. “You can’t be serious.” 

“I am. He took on Chuck’s powers, in order to defeat him and save humanity. And now he’s cleaning up the messes that God made, making the universe better while the humans on Earth can live their lives. He’s bringing paradise, Naomi, just like I knew he would.” 

“Why do you need me, then? I know you and I aren’t exactly on the same page about a lot of things, Castiel. If you’ve got the new God in your pocket, why don’t you resurrect your old rebellious friends? You and the Empty are still on speaking terms, I gather.”

Cas sighed. “The Empty is sleeping, now. It won’t be a problem anymore, Jack made sure of that. And I need your help because I know you. You might not like me, or Jack, but you are dedicated to the humans in Heaven. They’re your priority, and I have always admired that about you. We need your help in the reforms, to ensure their safety while we…” he paused to find the right word, “...while we remodel.” 

Naomi stood, face hardening. “Remodel? Castiel, you can’t do that. Heaven has been this way for all of time, you can’t just…”

“And that’s precisely why,” Castiel cut in, gently, “it needs to change. Humans aren’t happy when they get here, not like they should be. If we must not interfere in what happens on Earth, then isn’t it our obligation to make sure they’re truly happy when they arrive? That they can see their loved ones again?” 

Naomi’s jaw clenched. Castiel clasped his hands in front of him, waiting for a response. 

“The souls here are at peace. That’s all that matters.” 

“They might be at peace, but they’re not happy. There’s a difference. And sometimes it’s possible to have both, and if it is then I’m certain that is the best course of action.”

Naomi clenched her jaw. “Fine,” she said. “Let me out, and I’ll round up the rest of us.”

Cas nodded, sticking the key in the door. Before he could turn it, he met Naomi’s eyes with all the intensity he could muster. 

“I’m glad we could come to this agreement. But I’m warning you now- if you do _anything_ to hurt Jack, or try to manipulate him like Dumah did- I will not hesitate to kill you. Are we clear?”

She didn’t look fazed in the slightest, just arching an eyebrow. “Open the door, Castiel.” 

He obliged, not breaking eye contact. Naomi strutted out, standing next to him. She looked him up and down. 

“I see somebody’s been healed. Nephilim’s magic touch, perhaps? I don’t suppose the rest of us will get the same honor.”

“I’ll talk to Jack. I’m sure he will give you your wings back.” 

Naomi seemed surprised, but quickly schooled her features again. “You really believe in him, don’t you?”

“Yes. I do.”

Naomi turned away and started walking, making Castiel scramble to catch up.

“Well, then. I hope that you break the pattern of your past. That trust is not your downfall yet again.”

\--------

Jack and Kelly roamed the halls, scanning the doors for the names they were supposed to find.

“Jack, can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Jack said, glancing back down at the paper in his hands. They were in an endless stretch of “Harrison” now. “Harvelle” shouldn’t be too far off.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Jack paused, ever so slightly, before continuing to walk. “I’m fine,” he said. “There’s just so much that needs to be done.”

“You know you can talk to me, right? Or Castiel?”

Jack stopped walking, turning to face her. He looked stressed, but determined. “I know. I just… I want to do this. We’ll have time to figure things out later.” 

“Or we could figure them out now. What’s bothering you, baby?”

She watched his face carefully for any reaction, and what she saw confirmed that there was definitely something wrong. 

“I… I’m just worried that I’m going to mess up.” His tone was so fast and light that she thought he was probably lying, but she’d take what she could get for now. Cas knew him better than she did, and his call had been to give him space. 

“You won’t, Jack. You’re going to be great.”

He nodded stiffly and then they resumed the walk. Kelly wondered how she could begin to help the son she barely knew. If she was even capable of it. And she reminded herself that just being here, having any time with Jack at all, was a miracle. She was dead, and yet her son, her living and breathing baby, was still here with her. Whatever time he needed to process, she’d be more than happy to give. She took hold of his free hand as they walked past another Harrison, and the smile she received was brighter than the sun.

\--------

Ellen Harvelle was standing outside her bar, beer in hand, watching the sun rise over the horizon, when a voice sounded from behind her.

“Mrs. Harvelle?”

“Just call me Ellen,” she said, turning to the voice. A young man and a woman stood there, looking at her expectantly. “Sorry, do I know you?” She asked, sunrise forgotten. 

“No,” said the boy. “But you know Castiel. My name’s Jack, and we need your help.”

\--------

Jo Harvelle was throwing knives with her father, at an age far too young to be doing so, when her mother walked in and her father disappeared. In an instant, Jo was back in her adult body, looking at the person who’d died with her that she thought she’d never see again.

“Mom?” she breathed, and then threw herself in for a hug.

“We’re in Heaven, baby,” Ellen said. “And we’ve got work to do. But first, we’re gonna go get your dad.”

\---------

Charlie Bradbury was reading Tolkein with her mother, curled up under her warmest blankets. She wasn’t even Charlie yet- just Celeste. She was all warm and fuzzy and drifting off to sleep after her mom left the room when a man crouched down in front of her. 

“Charlie?” he said, voice soft.

“That’s no’ my name,” she mumbled sleepily, trying to roll over. 

“Charlie, I’m a friend of Sam and Dean. I need your help.”

It all came flashing back, and she launched upright, memories of her death flying through her mind in a rush.

She looked at the kid in front of her, and decided he didn’t really look like a hunter. But then again, neither did she.

“What do you need?” 

\---------

Bobby wandered the halls, looking for any shortcuts to the “H” section. He was passing by the “B’s” when he heard voices, so he rounded the corner. He saw two women and a blond boy, walking the opposite way.

“Jack?” he called, experimentally. The kid whirled around, eyes wide. And _damn_ if he didn’t look like Castiel’s vessel’s carbon copy. 

“Bobby!” he said, turning to walk towards him. His companions followed. “How’d you find us?”

“Cas told me to look for you. You mind telling me what’s going on?”

\----------

The humans took the news in stride, all having seen their fair share of weird. Together they assembled a solid team- two Klines, three Harvelles, Charlie, Bobby, his wife Karen, Rufus Turner, Pamela Barnes, and Ash, whom Jo had insisted on going to find as well. Jack thought his haircut was… interesting.

Jack led them to the throne room, and then he stepped to the side to try and summon the angels he’d created. It was almost scary how much he could do with a single thought these days.

They popped right back into existence, and the room was suddenly very crowded. Jack had to step up to where the throne was elevated to get everyone’s attention enough to get them to quiet down. As soon as he did, Castiel and Naomi came marching in, leading a handful of angels behind them. The chatter started up again, mostly from the new angels. Jack hopped down, going over to meet Cas. He felt... not good. He didn’t really know how to put it into words.

“Hey,” Cas stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm. Jack startled. He hadn’t realized he’d walked that far. “What’s wrong?” Cas asked, voice gruff but gentle.

“Can you explain everything to them? I think I- I think I need a minute to clear my head.”

Cas glanced at the crowd, somewhat nervously. “I’m no leader, Jack. But I’ll try. You gonna be okay?”

Jack nodded. “I’m just going to walk a little bit. I shouldn’t be too long.”

Cas squeezed his arm gently before letting go. “Okay. And Jack?”

Jack looked up at him, sensing that Cas was waiting for it. 

“You’re doing very well. I’m proud of you.”

For some reason, those words didn’t send a glow of warmth all through his body like they usually did. He just felt… hollow. Panicky and overwhelmed. Too many emotions all at once. 

“Thanks.” His voice was too quiet. He forced a smile, then turned and walked out of the room.


	4. Raindrop

Jack walked a few paces down the hallway, feeling inexplicably terrible. He’d been fine a while ago, and then everyone had been looking to him for guidance and he just… didn’t know if he could do it. Maybe his mother was right, and he should have taken some time to sort himself out before trying to remodel the entirety of Heaven. 

It was too late now.

Sighing, he sank down to the floor between the Heavens of two Thomas F. Zacharys and closed his eyes. Maybe talking to Amara would help. She was very wise.

“You’re stalling,” Amara said, almost immediately upon his arrival. She regarded him from across a small fish pond. Sometimes the scenery in their little dimension was different, but the meadow seemed to be the baseline. Jack stared into the water, watching the colors of the fish as they zipped around under the surface. 

“No, I’m not.” 

“You are,” she insisted. “I can feel it. You want more time with your mother and Castiel, and so you’re starting a project to keep yourself here.”

Jack looked up at her, sharply. “I care about the humans, too. I want Heaven to be a good place for them to spend eternity.”

“I know you do,” she said gently. “I just think it’ll be better for all of us if you quit lying to yourself.”

Clenching his jaw, Jack looked back into the water, toeing at the stones around the edge with his shoe. Amara stepped around the pond, coming to stand directly next to him.

“Emotions are hard, Jack. It’s alright to let yourself feel them. I buried mine for centuries, and it didn’t do anyone any good.” 

Jack didn’t answer, keeping his eyes trained on some of the ripples in the water, the way the sunlight shone into it in a twisting kaleidoscope of colors and shapes. He could see it warming the water molecules if he really tried.

“Okay. If you don’t want to talk about that, let’s keep working on this plan of yours. What are you going to tell Castiel when he asks about going back to earth?”

“Maybe he won’t ask,” Jack said. He knew he was grasping at straws. 

Amara knew it too. “Why don’t you want to go back there? Back to the Winchesters?”

He took a deep breath in, blowing it out through his teeth. Took a moment to think. “I don’t think I can. I have to be here, and then we have to leave. I’m not… I’m not one of them. I never was.” 

“There’s more to it than that,” she said, flatly, though clearly encouraging him to continue.

“They haven’t forgiven me,” he whispered. “It’s not… things will never be what they used to be. Especially now that I’m not… that I’m even less human.”

She hummed in response, tilting her head as she watched an iridescent little fish swim a loop around the pond, finishing by blinking lazily up at them. Jack wondered if it could see them. Wondered if this fish was even real.

“That still doesn’t explain why you don’t want Castiel to go back. Because I know you don’t. I can tell.”

Jack sighed, tugging absently at one of his jacket sleeves. He remembered Dean telling him and Sam that Cas was gone, and he remembered feeling like the world was crashing down around him. He remembered Sam and Dean not batting an eye. 

Maybe he was reading too much into things. Overthinking them. Maybe he was too young and naive to think about anything on this scale. Maybe he was just being a selfish child, wanting more time with his father before he had to leave. Maybe he was remembering the light in Castiel’s eyes whenever he spoke about Heaven, when he’d tell Jack rare stories, spare on the details, about watching over humanity from above as Jack lay down to sleep. Cas loved it here, he knew. And if Jack could give it back to him, help him reshape it to be what Cas had always believed in, then Jack knew that was what he wanted to do. 

Amara was still looking at him, patient expectancy painted on her features like a fine morning mist on the grass.

“They always talked about wanting to be free,” he started, choosing his words carefully. “And now that they are, I’m worried that us going back would feel like a… like a burden.”

_You’re a job. A job none of them wanted._

“Well, it has always been the Winchester show,” Amara said dryly, her shoe crunching on the pebbles as she shifted so she was facing Jack more fully. “Everyone else, even the two of you- we’re all just set dressing to them. Chewed up and spat away when they’re done with us.”

Jack shook his head. “It’s not like that.” 

Amara’s eyes softened. “Maybe it’s not, for you. And maybe it is. But I think that choosing to write your own story- what you’re doing here- while letting them have theirs is very brave.”

Jack met her eyes, his brow furrowed in confusion. “You think so?” 

“Yes. I do. You, your mother, Castiel, even me- we’re all independent beings. You don’t need to stay stuck as a guest player in Winchester-land. You deserve better than that.”

“But we were a family,” Jack said. He didn’t know why everything felt so complicated. He supposed it always had been. He hadn’t realized he was still stuck on all of this, not with everything else that was going on. Fixing Heaven- he wanted to do it, and he had a million reasons. He just wasn’t sure he could do it right. And he wasn’t sure about a lot of other things too.

“Family doesn’t end just because you’ve gone your separate ways. You’re still a family, even if it isn’t best for you to be together on earth. Besides, when they get here, you can visit.”

“I guess so. I just… I hope Cas feels the same way.”

“You can’t seriously believe that he would choose them over you.” It wasn’t a question, and it just made Jack even more confused. 

“Well, I don’t want to keep him trapped here if he doesn’t want to be.”

Amara settled a hand on his arm, tentatively, like she wasn’t used to providing comforting touches. 

“I knew him before you came along, nephew,” she said. “He was… spent. Unsure, and purposeless, always torn between the angels and the Winchesters. You were always the one thing he never had to doubt. And now, with the Heaven you’re building, he doesn’t have to choose a side.”

Jack nodded, still not fully convinced. Sometimes it felt so lonely, to be… _him_. Amara was far older and wiser, so she didn’t necessarily understand. Cas understood the tug of war between Heaven and earth, the tightrope between blending in and being yourself, but he wouldn’t get whatever this messy ball of feelings was. Jack knew Cas would never give up on him, but Cas had left him twice. He’d gone off with Dean and he hadn’t come back, and that… 

It hurt. And the hurt wasn’t going away now that Cas was alive again. He’d thought it would have disappeared, but it was still here. Stubbornly eating away at his heart.

“I have an idea,” Amara said, changing the subject. “Why don’t you check in on your Winchesters. Maybe seeing how they’re doing will make you feel more comfortable in your decision.”

He considered. “Okay,” he decided. Maybe it would help ease his mind a little. “Do I just… pop into the Bunker?”

“You don’t have to appear if you don’t want to,” she said. “Just take a little peek. There’s traces of you, of your power, in everything. Every organism, every object- they can be your eyes, your ears, your hands. Just think of something specific, and focus on it.”

Jack did as she asked, picturing the Bunker. The kitchen came into view, the lights off and two dirty bowls stacked in the sink, spoons haphazardly sticking out in opposite directions. He looked through the war room and the library, heart filling with a warm, fuzzy feeling when he saw his and Castiel’s names carved into the table. Still- the Winchesters weren’t here, which meant there was only one other place where they could be. He focused on another location, joyful when it worked.

Dean was driving the Impala, Sam staring out the window in the passenger seat, watching the raindrops slide around and collide on the glass. Miracle the dog sat in the backseat, eyes closed and nose pressed into the leather. It was normal. But it wasn’t what Jack had expected. He didn’t quite know why. 

“That was a fun one, right? Classic salt and burn. You even got to use all that geeky stuff you keep stored upstairs.” Dean was talking, presumably about their last case. Sam didn’t seem that engaged. 

Sam sighed. “What do you want me to say, Dean?”

“I don’t know. Maybe that it felt good to get back to doing what we do? Except without freakin’ God trying to get us to kill each other?”

Sam shook his head, still staring out the window. It was Dean’s turn to sigh, his fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. 

“Look. I get it, man, I do. But we won. We really won. And now we just get to go wherever the road takes us. Isn’t that what we’ve always wanted?”

“Yeah, I guess. But we lost a lot, too.”

Dean looked away from Sam, back out at the road. “Yeah. Yeah we did.”

Jack pulled back into himself, opening his eyes to face Amara again. 

“Well?” she asked.

“They’ll be okay,” Jack said. And he believed it. For better or worse, it didn’t feel right for Cas and Jack to go back there now. Maybe it was because Sam and Dean had it so… so _normal_ now. Simple. They should be allowed to just exist, and Jack could establish a new normal in Heaven. A better one, with Cas’ help of course. 

“Good.” Amara smiled. “Now, I believe you’re needed in Heaven.”

Jack was about to leave, but he hesitated. “Are you- are you sure you’re okay just waiting here? I feel bad that I’m keeping you… trapped.”

“I’m not trapped,” she said. “I’m… resting. Collecting my strength for fixing all of those other worlds.”

“Oh.” That did make a lot of sense. “That’s… good?”

“Yes, it is. Now go. You’ve got work to do.”

And Jack went.

\---------

He stood up, brushing himself off. Whatever he was feeling, it wasn’t as important as every soul in Heaven. He had big responsibilities now, and he certainly wasn’t going to neglect them.

He walked back into the throne room, seeing the angels standing there and talking amongst themselves. He could easily make the distinction between the ones he’d made and the natural-born angels, and it wasn’t just because he could see the molecular differences. The new ones were all nervous chatter and anxious anticipation, while the older ones stood nearly stock-still, surveying the crowd of humans and former humans with nothing more than a raised eyebrow of disdain. There might be difficulties integrating the group, but all in all they had about fifty angels. That seemed like a good number. 

Cas and Kelly stood with the small band of humans that Cas knew, most of them looking uncertain. Of course they were- other than Bobby and Charlie, none of them knew Cas well. None of them knew Jack. They were going into this blind, and it concerned all of their fates.

Naomi saw him first, since she was standing closest to the doorway. She raised her eyebrows at him, looking thoroughly unimpressed. Jack stepped further into the room, trying to cut through the haze of conversation by clearing his throat. It worked much more easily than he’d thought it would, certainly more easily than before, and he felt overwhelmed again when 60-odd pairs of eyes were all fixed on him. More than that, actually, since the old generation of angels had more. 

“Um. Hello.” Jack waved, not really knowing what else to do. He glanced over to his mother and Cas, almost instinctively. Kelly gave him a smile, and Cas gave him a nod, his eyes soft and full of trust. 

Feeling bolstered by their confidence, he stood up straighter. “I’m Jack,” he said. “And… I know you don’t really know me, and I know that this situation is a little unusual. But I promise that I’m not going to be anything like my grandfather.” He looked over at the throne standing tall in the center of the room, a physical representation of all that had gone wrong in the past. He snapped his fingers, and it disappeared. Naomi straightened in surprise, and a few of the new angels oohed and ahhed. Castiel looked… _proud_.

“Heaven shouldn’t be a dictatorship. It’s not about us, it’s about the human souls. When I bring all of these walls down, it’ll be chaotic. It’s our job to organize the souls, to explain to them what’s happening and what their options are, and to help reunite loved ones. Be kind, and remember that there’s no shame in asking for help. You’re their guides, as angels. And then we also have some humans helping us out. So, thank you.” He nodded once in their direction, receiving a few kind smiles in return. He took a deep breath before continuing. 

“Does anyone have any questions?” No one said anything. “Okay. If anything comes up, find me or Castiel. Or Naomi,” he added, banking on a thread of hope that she could be trusted. He remembered Cas telling him that there was nothing Naomi wouldn’t do to keep human souls safe. She seemed surprised, though, all of her eyes blinking a bit too fast. 

Jack turned around, facing where the throne had once stood. If he did this, there would be no going back. 

Another deep breath in. He closed his eyes, visualizing Heaven as a big building where each soul had their own room. At the center of all those rooms was this one- no longer a throne room, but still functioning as a lobby of sorts. Once he had a mental picture of each room, all stacked up like Legos in every which direction, he gave each invisible wall a little dash of focus. A breath of power. 

He snapped his fingers, and brought all of them crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just feel like Jack would have a lot of unresolved feelings about a lot of different things. So be prepared for plenty of long emotional conversations in the coming chapters :)
> 
> Thank you for reading! Next two chapters will be up next week. In the meantime, I would love any feedback or thoughts!


	5. Lost Souls, Come Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long and plotty chapter for y'all :)

It wasn’t quite as chaotic as they’d all thought it would be. The room they stood in- Jack elected to start calling it the Lobby, officially- branched into a sort of small hallway that stretched into Heaven proper. Jack took a tentative step forward, the group behind him following. Cas, Kelly, and Naomi were at the forefront. 

Jack stepped beyond the Lobby’s bland silence into a world of light. 

It was stunning- the colors were vibrant in some places, subdued in others, but the billions of souls were shining brighter than the stars. It stretched on in every direction, and it was different everywhere he looked. Sometimes a wide open field, sometimes a rustic neighborhood, sometimes a forest, sometimes mountains, sometimes the sea. Everything imaginable was here somewhere, all anyone had to do was think it. The souls could imagine up their perfect paradise, and share it with the people they loved. 

Reunions were happening all over the place- lovers kissing for the first time in millions of years, parents holding their children tightly, friends embracing like they’d never see each other again. But they would, whenever they wanted to, for forever. 

Jack smiled. 

Behind him, Naomi cleared her throat. 

“They need final directions,” she said, quiet enough that only Jack could hear her. 

Jack nodded, turning around to face the angels. And the human helpers, who were staring into Heaven with awe in their eyes. Jack hoped it looked as beautiful to them as it did to him, though they probably couldn’t see as much of it. 

“Most people should be able to figure it out, and find their loved ones on their own,” Jack said, projecting his voice a little bit. “Our job is to answer questions and help the stragglers find their people.” He looked at the group, at the angels he’d created, and nodded again. They were ready. “Go be their shepherds.”

The new angels didn’t need to be told twice, flitting away in excitement. The older ones were more resigned, more world-weary, but they followed. Naomi gave him an approving nod as she flew away. 

The humans went slower, walking forward into Heaven and chattering among themselves. Bobby stopped on his way past, looking at Jack with a smile in his eyes.

“Good job, kid. I’ve seen all the nitty-gritty of this place, and it ain’t all that pretty. Now, I think it’s really gonna be something special. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jack said, touched by Bobby’s words. “Just… be happy. And help other people.”

Bobby nodded, and then he too walked away, leaving Jack with Cas and Kelly. 

“So… where do you want to start?” Cas asked him. It was strange- Cas looking to him for guidance. Kelly, too. It was almost enough to overwhelm him again. 

“I… I think the two of you can start right here. I need to do a few things.”

Kelly frowned. “What do you mean?”

Jack took a deep breath, feeling something tugging inside him, telling him to go back to earth. People were praying, of course, people prayed to him all the time. But this… it was different.

“I have some errands to run. On earth. There’s people that should be here, or that are lost. I can feel it. I’m going to go help them.”

Kelly was visibly trying to wrap her mind around all of this, so Cas gently rested a hand on her upper arm, just above the elbow. Showing silent solidarity. 

“I’ll try to take care of things here until you get back,” Cas said, meeting Jack’s eyes. 

Jack nodded, something clenching in his chest. The last time they’d separated like this, splitting up to go on missions, Cas hadn’t come back. 

“You won’t go anywhere, right?” The words were out before Jack could stop them. Cas and Kelly exchanged a look. 

“Neither of us is going anywhere, baby,” Kelly assured him. 

Jack took a deep breath, but it still felt like a rock was planted in the bottom of his stomach. Dragging him down. 

“I’ll be back soon,” he promised, unable to meet Cas’ eyes one last time before he flew down to earth. 

\---------

Kelly and Castiel stared at the space where Jack had stood, both of them a little bit dumbstruck. 

“Can I ask you something, Cas?” 

Castiel turned to the side to look at Kelly, nodding. “Of course.”

“Was he really okay down there?” Her eyes swam with a million questions.

Castiel sighed. “Well, it certainly wasn’t an easy life on earth, but I do believe it was a good one. I just wish I’d been able to protect him from more than I did. And that he’d gotten more time to be a child. He’s still so young.”

“I know. But don’t blame yourself for that, Castiel. You’re good for him.”

He ducked his head. He really wasn’t so sure about that. “He missed you every day, you know.” 

It was Kelly’s turn to look away shyly. “I just- I’m worried about him. He’s moving really fast with all this, and I know I don’t really know him yet, but it feels-” she sighed. “It feels like he’s running from something.”

Cas nodded. “Hopefully he’ll tell us when he’s ready. I think he just needs time.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Come on,” Castiel said, changing the subject. “Let’s get to work.”

\---------

Jack materialized in an apartment in Michigan, and he slowly turned around to take it all in. It was clean, and there were several books laid out on the coffee table. The TV was on, the volume low. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” The voice came from the side, and Jack turned to face its owner. He raised his hands placatingly.

“I’m not here to hurt you, Kevin,” he said.

Kevin Tran glared at him, ghostly form focused enough to almost look fully corporeal. It was quite impressive. 

“You’re that demon, aren’t you? Belphegor? Are you here to try and throw me back to Hell?”

“I’m not a demon.” Jack frowned, completely confused. This was not how he’d expected this meeting to go. And who was Belphegor?

Kevin’s confidence wavered just a little. “Who are you, then? Because you teleported, and that screams ‘demon’ to me.” 

“I’m Jack. I’m a nephilim.” Well. Technically. He didn’t really know what he was anymore. 

Recognition flashed in Kevin’s eyes. “Oh. You got resurrected, huh?”

“Yes?” Jack was even more confused than before. 

Kevin sighed a long-suffering sigh. “Look, if you’re not a demon can you just stick your hand in the holy water to prove it? Mom keeps a bowl on the counter. I’m supposed to throw it at anyone who comes in, but that takes a lot of energy.”

“Oh. Sure.” Jack walked into the kitchen, Kevin trailing behind. He stuck his fist in the bowl, watching Kevin’s features relax when his skin didn’t start burning. 

“Thanks. Nice to meet you, I guess. I wish I could shake your hand or something.” 

Jack smiled, shaking off some of the water on his hand before wiping the rest off on his jeans. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said.

“What are you doing here? I assume it’s got something to do with the whole Thanos-snap thing?” 

Jack paused. “You remember that?”

Kevin snorted. “I’m a ghost, dude. Can’t get turned to dust if you don’t have a body, right? Of course I remember it. It was a rough few weeks, but I’m kind of used to going a little bit insane these days.”

“Oh. Well, I’m actually here to take you to Heaven. If you’re ready to go.” 

Kevin’s eyes widened. “Are you- are you serious? You can do that? I thought souls from Hell couldn’t…”

“They can with intervention. And I… I sort of took over from Chuck, so…”

“You’re _God_?”

“Not exactly? It’s complicated.”

“Yeah, it always is.” Kevin let out a low whistle. “Damn. So I actually get to go? You’re not going to take me back to Hell?”

“I would never do that.”

Kevin nodded, an unhinged laugh escaping him. Jack frowned, taking a step forward to offer support before remembering it was pointless. He couldn’t touch him, so he couldn’t help. 

“Are you okay?” he asked instead, waiting for Kevin to catch his breath. 

“Whew, yeah. I’m okay. I’ve just been the butt of every cosmic joke for so long that I don’t really believe it.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said. “I wish I could have fixed it sooner.”

“Weren’t you not alive yet?” Jack shrugged. Kevin rolled his eyes. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. Sam and Dean’s rain clouds don’t have to block the sun for you, okay?”

“What?”

“Sorry, I’m probably not making sense. I’ve been alone for a while. Most days I just read and watch TV while my mom’s at work. It kind of sucks, actually, but I wasn’t just gonna leave her, you know?”

Jack could certainly understand that. He was sure he’d do the same in Kevin’s position. 

“I do.” 

Kevin nodded, running a hand through his already disheveled, non-corporeal hair. “Can we wait for her? Before I have to go?”

“Of course. How long will that be?”

“Just another hour or so. You can stay, if you want. Get a snack.” Kevin gestured vaguely in the direction of the fridge. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jack asked. Kevin looked taken aback. 

“I mean, I don’t know what I’d know that God doesn’t, but shoot.” 

“Who’s Belphegor?”

\---------

The hour waiting for Kevin’s mom passed quickly, but Jack was still reeling from what he’d learned. He’d had a demon possessing his dead body? He’d always thought he’d gotten a hunter’s funeral, and that was it. Now he was wondering all sorts of things about what had happened to his body, and it made him want to jump out of his own skin. 

He wondered why none of them had told him about it. It seemed like no one was telling him anything these days. 

Jack sat on one end of the couch, facing the TV but not paying attention. Kevin sat (or approximated sitting, being a ghost and all) on the other side. 

“You okay, man?” Kevin asked.

Jack blinked. “I’m fine.” 

Kevin looked back at the TV, something unreadable on his face. “Yeah, you’ve been hanging around the Winchesters, alright. Are you still living with them?”

“Um. No. I’ve been in Heaven though, recently.” 

“...right.” 

They descended into awkward silence, but it was suddenly broken by the sound of keys jangling at the door.

“She’s home,” Kevin said, walking through the couch to be closer to the door. Jack stood, trying to look non-threatening. 

Linda reacted to the sight of him immediately, pulling a knife from somewhere on her person and brandishing it at Jack with terrifying precision and skill. Jack raised his hands in surrender, while Kevin jumped between them. Not that it was a deterrent, incorporeal as he was. 

“Mom, don’t. It’s okay. He’s not evil or anything, I promise. He’s a friend of Sam and Dean’s.”

Linda’s eyes narrowed, but she did lower the knife as she looked him up and down. Jack got the impression that she didn’t like the Winchesters very much. 

“Who are you?” she asked, through gritted teeth. 

“I’m Jack. I’m here to take Kevin to Heaven.” 

Her mouth dropped open a little, eyes widening. Just like Kevin’s had earlier. 

She addressed her son, voice barely a whisper. “He’s serious? And his background checks out?”

“Yeah, mom. It does. I gotta go now.” Kevin sounded apologetic. Jack felt like he was intruding on the scene.

Linda put the knife away and set her bag down on the kitchen counter. She turned to lock the door, looking as if she were in a trance. 

“Mom, it’s okay. It’s better than just sitting in your apartment all day.”

“I know.” Linda’s voice was quiet. “But you’re my son. It’s never easy to let you go.” 

“I’m dead. We just got lucky with extra time.” 

Linda nodded, putting on a brave face. She reached forward like she wanted to touch her son, but both of them winced as her fingers went right through him. 

“I think I can help with that,” Jack spoke up, keeping his voice soft. He closed his eyes and clenched a fist, thinking about twisting the pieces of Kevin’s soul into something tangible. Judging by the gasps he heard, he thought he’d succeeded. 

He opened his eyes to see the Trans embracing, one final time. He knew he was helping Kevin in the long run, but he still felt terrible for causing this pain, in this moment. 

They separated, and Jack let Kevin fade back into being a ghost. 

“Can’t you just bring him back to life?” Linda asked him, desperation ringing clear as a bell in her tone. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” He really couldn’t, either. The prophet cycle would be distorted, Donatello would probably go insane… there wasn’t a loophole without serious rewriting, and Jack refused to do that. He wouldn’t let himself turn into Chuck.

“Figures.” Linda said, turning away. Kevin smiled at her, sadly, before crossing the room to stand next to Jack.

“So how does this work?” he asked. Jack was still looking at Linda. 

“You’ll see him again. I promise,” he said. “When you get to Heaven. We’re reforming it so that it’s possible.”

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t put too much faith into your promises. The Winchesters promised me they’d keep Kevin safe, and they got him killed. I’m not as quick to trust promises after that.”

“Mom,” Kevin said, exasperated, and Jack knew immediately that it was an old argument. 

Linda deflated, crossing her arms and taking in a deep breath. 

“Goodbye, Kevin,” she said, choking on the words. 

“I love you, mom,” he said, smiling softly. 

“I love you too.”

Kevin turned and nodded to Jack, who sent a thousand silent apologies to Linda before he wrapped his wings around Kevin’s soul and carried him to Heaven.

\----------

Jack didn’t stay in Heaven long. He went right back down to Earth, to another pull. This one wasn’t a soul out of place, but it was someone who needed help.

He materialized on a bench overlooking a lake, sitting next to the other occupant but not looking at him fully. 

“Adam Milligan,” he said, keeping his voice level. 

To his credit, Adam didn’t jump at Jack’s sudden appearance, instead keeping his gaze steady on the lake. Jack didn’t miss the way his hand tightened on something in his pocket, though- a blade of some kind, probably. 

“You’re an angel, aren’t you?” Adam asked, every muscle ready for battle. His voice was steady, belying none of that tension. 

“Not quite.” Jack shifted closer to the end of the bench, as far from Adam as was possible in order to give him some space. 

Adam looked at him then, and his eyes crinkled in thought. “I know you,” he said, clearly trying to puzzle out where from.

“We’ve never met,” Jack said. “I’m Jack.” 

Recognition flared in Adam’s eyes, only just perceptible. “You’re Castiel’s Jack. That’s where I know you from.” 

It was Jack’s turn to be confused. “What?”

“He showed me memories. Of you dying. Well, he showed Michael, but I saw them too.” Adam’s jaw clenched. “How’d you come back?”

“Death had a job for me.”

“Angels had a job for me, a while ago. It’s always a job for a resurrection, huh?”

Adam tossed a stone across the lake, and it bounced on the surface of the water. The ripples were fascinating.

“You’re praying,” Jack said. “Very loudly. Is there something I can do to help you?”

“Oh no, I’m fine and dandy.” The sarcasm was sharper than the machetes in the Impala’s trunk.

“Please. I want to help.”

Adam sighed, throwing the other stone he held with much more force than the first. It sank right into the lake, not bouncing at all. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know where Michael is, would you?”

Jack swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, but he’s dead.”

Adam clenched his jaw again, nodding sharply. “Figured that. Nice to know that he didn’t just leave, though.”

“Adam, I-”

“Save it. My brothers had something to do with it, didn’t they?”

Jack felt like he was drowning. How was he messing this up so terribly? He was supposed to be helping these people, not making them miserable.

“Yes. We did.”

“How’d it happen?” Adam sounded tired, and much, much older than he appeared to be.

“Chuck killed him. And then I took care of Chuck.”

Adam gave him another side eye. “You took care of him? Are you… in charge now, or something?”

Jack shrugged. “Yes.” 

“And you can’t bring him back?” The pain was just an undertone in Adam’s voice, but it was sharp and bright. 

“I can’t. The Empty is finally sleeping now, and I can’t disturb it. I can promise you that he’s at peace, though.”

Adam nodded again. “Thanks,” he said, after a long moment. “Somehow I think I believe you.”

“Is there anything else I can do to help?” Jack asked. 

“No.” 

Jack looked away from Adam, to the ground, to the water, to the sky. He wished he’d thought about bringing back more angels before he helped the Empty back to sleep, but in his experience Michael wasn’t very nice. Now he was considering that he hadn’t really known his uncle at all, and he was second guessing everything. And feeling terribly selfish for only bringing Cas back. 

“I guess I just keep going, right?” Adam said, half to himself. “Even though everyone who’s ever cared about me is dead or thinks I am, I’ll just keep going.”

“You could go to the Winchesters,” Jack suggested. “I’m sure they’d help you.” 

Adam laughed. “Kid, they might be my brothers, but they’re assholes. They left me in Hell. Everyone around them gets chewed up and spat out again, and then stomped on for good measure. You telling me you never felt any of that?”

Jack didn’t answer, and Adam sighed. 

“Sorry. I’ve just accepted that I’ll always get the short end of the stick.”

“I might not be able to help you now,” Jack said. “But I can tell you that you’re going to Heaven when you die. And you’ll be able to see your mother again once you’re there.”

Adam took that in for a moment, back to staring over the lake.

“Thanks. I mean it,” he added, meeting Jack’s eyes. “That does help.”

And Jack felt a tiny bit better. He stood.

“If you need anything else, just pray to me or to Castiel. We can help you.”

“Appreciate it, but I think I’m done with angels. I’d rather just focus on me for a while, since there’s no one else on this rock who can get me.”

Of course. The only other person who understood him was Michael, and now Michael was gone. Leaving Adam alone, though he hadn’t meant to. 

That was almost like looking in a mirror for Jack.

Throat tight, Jack said goodbye and departed, feeling awful that he couldn’t do more. Adam was strong, though. He would be okay. And Jack had another stop.

\---------

Hell wasn’t what he’d expected. It was colder, for one, but it was also very clean. Or maybe that was because he was standing in headquarters. 

Some low level demons stopped in their tracks, staring at him. They knew what he was. He flared his wings a little bit, knowing full well that these demons could see them. 

“I need to speak with Rowena, please.”

\--------

“Ah, there’s my sweet boy!”

The worker bee demons had led Jack to an ornate throne room, and Rowena had immediately shooed out all of them the minute she caught sight of him. She crossed the room and put her hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. 

“Hello,” Jack said, a bit nervous. It had been a while since he’d seen Rowena, and that last interaction hadn’t been very pleasant. 

It seemed she didn’t care. 

“I must admit I’m a bit miffed I wasn’t informed you’d been brought back to life.” She dropped her hands off of his shoulders. “But looking at you now I can see I’ve missed a whole lot more than that. Come now, dear. Tell me everything.”

\---------

It felt like a business meeting. Jack filled in the details of Chuck’s defeat, and how Jack had come to take over his role. It was similar to what he’d told his mother, immediately after this all began. They agreed that when newly human Chuck died, his soul would have a very special place down here. 

“I should be getting back to Heaven,” he said. “If you need me, just pray to me. Or Castiel, that would work too.” 

He almost didn’t want to go back. He did, of course- he wanted as much time with his mother and Cas as he could possibly get. But there was still so much he felt unsure of. 

Rowena narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you alright, lad? Why don’t you come have tea with your Auntie Rowena, and we can have a chat, yeah?” 

“I’m fine, thank you.”

She cut him off with a sharp grasp of his wrist, fingertips like ice and nails pressing shallow crescents into his flesh.

“Come have tea with your Auntie Rowena, dear.” 

It wasn’t a question this time. Jack obliged.

\---------

“How have you been feeling?” Rowena asked him, casually dropping something that was definitely not sugar into her tea. Jack wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it was, or whether it came from Hell or witchcraft. “New job, new pressures. Could be overwhelming to some people,” Rowena went on.

“I’m alright.”

Rowena frowned, but pressed on in her efforts to build a conversation.

“And the Winchesters?” 

“They’re fine. I check in on them. Besides- it’s time that they got to write their own story.” 

Another frown. “Well, don’t you think they’d like to know how you’re doin’? And that you’ve got Castiel out of the Empty?” 

Jack stared into his tea, setting the mug back down onto its plate. He folded his hands into his lap.

“No. They- they’re fine on their own. And Cas and I, we’ve always been more like set dressing for them anyway.” 

“Set dressing.” 

Jack nodded. It was Rowena’s turn to set down her mug, her jewelry clanging as she went. 

“And where exactly did you pick up that turn of phrase?” 

He thought about it for a moment. “Amara,” he said. Yes, it had definitely been Amara.

Rowena _tsk_ ed. “Amara. Now, there’s a character. Have you been talking to her often?”

“Yes.”

“Is she being nice?” It was a serious question, though it didn’t sound like it should be. 

Jack stood up, tired of feeling like he was being babied. 

“Thank you for all of this, but I really should be getting back now.” 

Rowena stood as well, still frowning. 

“You don’t have to rush out, Jack. I’m simply-”

“No.” Jack closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. He didn’t want to be rude. “I’m not a child, Rowena. And I like spending time with you, but I don’t like being treated like one.”

She shook her head, looking sad. “You’re still young, dear. Don’t be afraid to act your age.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, his earlier frustration dissipating as another onslaught of emotions seemed to slap him in the face. Why were they all so confusing?

“Don’t apologize. Just look out for yourself, yeah? And visit me. I think a little healthy conversation between Heaven and Hell is in order, don’t you?”

Jack nodded, feeling worse than he had all day despite the fact that this was an overall productive visit. What was happening to him?

“Bye, Rowena. Thanks again.”

“Jack,” she called, just before he blinked away. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re going to do an incredible job.”

Jack forced a smile, flying back to Heaven with a heavy heart. He materialized in the Lobby, alone, and sank down on the bench that sat on one side of the room.

The Queen of Hell had faith in him, and he felt like that should be reassuring. It wasn’t.

Everyone seemed to have faith in him these days. Too much faith in him.

Maybe their faith was the problem.


	6. Wildflower Wisdom

Jack closed his eyes, and he was sitting in Amara’s meadow, cross-legged in the grass. Amara sat across from him, the sunflowers on either side of her bright against the pink satin of her suit. 

“What are you thinking about?” she asked. “You’re troubled.”

He picked at a blade of grass, absently. “A lot of things. But it’s… it’s Cas,” he admitted. And then he felt… guilty? Emotions were confusing. Right now more than ever, but it was true. If he put all his fears of inadequacy out of his mind, he was still thinking about Cas, and feeling a lot of conflicting and scary things.

Amara frowned. “What about him? Did he do something?”

“No. I don’t know. It’s just… When he died, Dean said he summoned the Empty to kill Billie, and it took him too. And I knew Cas had a deal, I was there when he made it, but I didn’t… I just didn’t think about how it could have come through. It doesn’t feel right. Why would he be happy while Chuck was ending the world?”

Amara nodded at him to keep going, leaning forward a little to listen better.

“I guess I thought he did a spell, or something like that. I was less focused on how he died than how much it… how much it hurt that he did.” And oh, had that hurt. He’d felt so alone. Like he’d been left behind. Which was unfair and ridiculous, especially considering Sam and Dean had been right there, but it had still burned in his heart unlike anything else. He didn’t ever want to feel like that again. 

“Do you think the deal came through?” Amara asked, twirling one of the flowers between her fingers. Jack hadn’t seen her pick it. 

“The Shadow told me so. When I went to bring him back.”

“I don’t understand. What’s bothering you about this?”

Jack sighed, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his chin there. “I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Amara said, still calm as ever. “Well, in that case I believe the best thing you can do is ask him about it.”

Jack looked up at her, his brow furrowed. “I don’t think I want to do that.”

“Why not? I can see how much he cares about you. I don’t think he’ll mind.”

“No, I know.” Jack’s fingers fell into the grass again, pulling at blade after blade. 

Amara breathed out a soft “oh,” and shifted to get a better look at him. “You’re afraid of what he’s going to say.” 

“No, I’m not.”

“It’s okay if you are.” Amara sighed. “I know how… overwhelming emotions can feel, especially when they’re screaming against cosmic power to be felt. I have been angry, and I have been betrayed, and I’ve learned that in order to process feelings you have to face them, or risk getting swallowed by the darkness inside of you. For me, it’s all that I am. Some days being different feels like a raging battle, but I’ve learned to combat it by focusing on the little miracles of my brother’s creation. Books, stars, flowers- pierogies and people and gambling. Why should I destroy it when I can learn from it instead?” 

Jack kept his eyes trained on the blades of grass between them, watching a ladybug climb one of the thicker ones. It fluttered its spotted wings as Amara sighed.

“Are you feeling angry, Jack?” she asked. 

Jack hesitated. He didn’t know. “I don’t want to be,” he said, finally, looking back up at his great-aunt. 

Her eyes were sympathetic. Understanding. “But you are.”

“No. Yes. I- I feel like he abandoned me.” He felt guilty just for saying it. He knew it wasn’t true, but for some reason he couldn’t stop feeling it. “Which I know isn’t true, but… he was the only one who never gave up on me. And then he was gone, and it _hurt_ , and I didn’t know what to feel. But the more I think about it, the more… the more _angry_ I get. And I know it’s not fair, because it’s not his fault, but I just can’t stop thinking that way.”

Amara stood, brushing out the wrinkles in her pants. She gestured for Jack to stand as well. 

“Let’s walk,” she said. 

And they did, taking a softly worn dirt path through the long grass, in between the taller flowers that reached up to Jack’s knees. 

“I bottled up my emotions for a very long time, Jack,” Amara said, still twirling that sunflower between her fingers. “I know that it does no one any good. You have to face your feelings, head on. Otherwise they’ll burn you up from the inside out.” 

“I don’t even know what I’m feeling,” Jack said, scuffing at the dirt with the heel of his shoe. “It’s all jumbled up.”

“That’s okay. You said Dean had to tell you what happened?” At Jack’s nod, she continued. “If he was there, and you weren’t, maybe you’re mad at him?”

Jack thought about it for a while, their footfalls on the ground the only sound. 

“I’m not mad at Dean,” he said, quietly, wondering how that could be true but knowing in the depths of his being that it was. Inexplicable though that may be. 

When he thought about Dean it was a dull ache, all lost opportunity and broken trust. He’d fought his entire life for Dean to accept him, and he’d never gotten it. In pieces, yes- a birthday cake here, a fishing trip there. And then he’d sat in the Impala’s passenger seat holding Adam’s rib, and Dean had said “it’s time.” He hadn’t even blinked, just said it like Jack dying to kill Chuck was as natural as a bullet firing when the trigger was pulled.

Jack couldn’t picture Cas doing that. He remembered the horror on his face when he’d told him he would die. The pure disbelief and denial. He remembered getting home that night, Cas nearly unable to speak as he told Jack he was leaving for a while. Jack suspected he was going to look for another way, and he knew Cas would never accept that there wasn’t one. So he didn’t bother trying to convince him. And though he’d prefer having him close, not wasting whatever time they had left, he wouldn’t stop him. Not when Jack would have done the same. 

Sam wouldn’t have either. Maybe he would, if the world were in flames around them, all of their last strings of hope frayed and singed until they snapped. But Jack remembered Sam storming into the Bunker, stomping his way down the stairs and completely ignoring Dean’s efforts to say something. Sam had looked at Jack, sitting in the library with a sandwich, and Jack knew that he knew. That they all did, so Cas had shared his secret. 

He wasn’t really mad about that either. Maybe he was just too stupid, too naive. He didn’t know.

Either way, he couldn’t find it in him to be mad at Dean for coming back without Cas. He’d wanted to be, somewhere underneath that glossy, hazy shock that had kept him from collapsing right there in that abandoned street. Part of him had wanted to yell, to break something, to scream until he couldn’t speak anymore. A bigger part of him had just felt empty and alone. Had felt _scared_.

“You’re mad at something,” Amara said, voice completely calm. She was letting him figure things out. He swallowed, taking in a breath, fighting the tears burning at the corners of his eyes as he looked at her. 

“I’m mad at Cas,” he admitted, voice barely audible but getting louder as he went on. “But I don’t want to be. I’m happy that I have him back, that I have time with him, but… he left me. He left and he didn’t come back, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I don’t even know if he thought about me before he- and Dean was there. I don’t know what he said, and I don’t know what Cas said. But something made him happy, and it wasn’t-“ he cut himself off, heaving in a breath heavy with the kind of quiet, tired anger that could only light when pain and confusion combined to make the fuse.

“It wasn’t you.” Amara stopped walking, turning to face him fully. 

Jack swallowed, the saliva burning past the lump in his throat. 

“I always thought it would be my fault,” he said. “The deal already was, but I thought- I don’t know what I thought. I didn’t think about it as much as I should have, I didn’t look for a way to save him. I just let him die, and I couldn’t even make him happy.”

“I’m sure you did make him happy,” Amara said gently. “There must have been something that changed. Or perhaps the Shadow was lying to you.” 

“It wasn’t.” He was sure of it.

Silence fell, thick and heavy. The air didn’t move. It was the only clue that the meadow and its flowers weren’t actually on earth. 

“Jack, I- I can’t help you.” Amara sounded genuinely sad. “You have to confront him, otherwise these feelings will just keep stewing. And you have the opportunity to ask him, and you’re likely to get an honest answer. For a very long time I didn’t have that option with my family.”

Jack nodded, biting at his lip. “I’ll ask him,” he said. “I don’t think I can take this- not knowing- anymore. Not when I have so many other responsibilities now.” 

“I think you’ve made the right decision.” Amara smiled gently at him, and he managed to pull his lips up in return. It felt like plastic.

“What do I say?” Jack’s voice was hoarse and pinched. 

Amara’s eyes were wide and open when she looked at him, calm and yet tempestuous. Like the galaxy. 

“You’ll find the words.” 

He hoped she was right.

“Amara?” he asked.

“Yes?” she tilted her head, expression saying she was surprised he hadn’t left yet. 

“Why are you here? I mean, why are you helping me? I don’t want to keep you stuck here.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Do you really think I would still be here if I didn’t want to be?”

Jack shook his head. When Amara spoke again, it was much gentler. 

“I’m here because I have never had a good relationship with my family. I have never had anyone there for me except Chuck, and that was… _very_ different.” She brought the sunflower she held up to her stomach, clasping it in both hands. “I said I wanted to get to know you, and I meant it. Waiting a little bit before we leave, it’s… I think it will be worth it.”

“Thank you,” Jack said. He meant it. 

Amara nodded, her eyes and the lines of her face exuding gentleness. “Go. I’ll be here. Solitude is a nice change. I find humans fascinating, but they’re just so _loud_ sometimes.”

“Yeah.” 

She tentatively squeezed his forearm, fingers cold even through the fabric of his jacket. She turned and slowly walked away, further down the path. Jack took a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to still his pounding heart.

Time to face his feelings, before they ate right through him.


	7. Big Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the chapter that's directly addressing 15x18. Since that's somewhat of a polarizing topic and I'm only taking it seriously since this fic is canon compliant, all I ask is that you stay respectful. I'm not asking anyone to agree with my specific interpretation. And this story will be staying gen.   
> Anyway, please enjoy. And thank you for reading, as per usual :)

Jack opened his eyes and stood, alone in the quiet of the Lobby. Movement sounded from the mouth of the hallway, and he turned to see Castiel entering.

“Oh, Jack, there you are. I’ve been looking for you. The souls of historical figures and famous people, the others are sort of swarming them. What do you think we should-” Cas broke off, squinting at him. “Jack, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Jack held his hands behind his back to resist the temptation to fiddle with his fingers. Cas was coming closer, worry written all over his face. 

“Jack?” he hedged. He put a hand on Jack’s arm, but he squirmed under it and Cas let him go immediately.

“Can I talk to you?” Jack whispered, his throat tight. He brought his arms back in front of himself and hugged them around his waist. He really shouldn’t be this nervous, but he was. He wished he wasn’t.

“Of course.” Cas’ hand hovered near Jack’s shoulder, like he wanted to touch him again, but thought better of it. “Did I- did I do something to upset you?”

Jack nodded, hearing the echo of Amara’s words in his head. _You have to face your feelings, head on_.

“You died,” Jack said. No use beating around the bush.

“What?” 

Jack looked into Castiel’s eyes, at all the confusion there, and took a deep breath. 

“You died, Cas,” Jack paused to gulp back his fears. He could do this. “And I thought I was okay now that I have you back, but I’m not. And I don’t know why I feel the way I do, but I… I have questions. And I need honest answers, Cas. Please.” 

Cas dropped his hand back down to his side, nodding. His eyes were wide and sad, his brow furrowed. “You can ask me anything, you know that. What’s wrong?”

A deep breath. “Did… did your deal with the Empty come through?”

He barely hesitated. “Yes. But I- I thought you knew about that.”

“I did,” Jack said, fighting to keep his voice steady. “The Shadow told me. Dean didn’t… Dean didn’t tell me anything. All he said was that you summoned it, and then…” he trailed off, and Cas sighed.

“Go on,” he encouraged, voice soft. 

Jack sat back down on the bench, Cas following suit. 

“I… it seemed surprised. The Shadow. It said that after what Dean heard, it thought for sure he’d tell me. What did it mean? Did you say something? Before…”

Cas took in a breath, exhaling another sigh before speaking. “Well… I told him that I loved him.”

“Oh.” Jack frowned. That seemed like a pretty normal thing to say to family while you were dying. Unless…

“Are you… _in_ love? I didn’t… I didn’t think…” 

Suddenly it felt like the world was spinning, and Jack didn’t know why. He wanted Cas to be happy, and if that were through a romantic relationship, he supposed it was fine, even if Jack didn’t know much about them except that they often ended badly. Lots of movies involved people crying because of them. But Dean wasn’t… Jack knew Dean was a good person. He saved people, he made sacrifices for the world, and he loved his family. That was all true. He’d taken Jack fishing and made him a birthday cake and taught him to drive. Dean had also shot him, locked him in the Ma’lak box, wanted to kill him, and said that Jack wasn’t his family. And Jack understood, he really did. He wasn’t Sam, and he wasn’t Cas, and he never would be. But it still hurt that Dean would say it, that he would do those things. Why didn’t Jack receive the kindness that strangers did?

He also remembered when Dean would get angry. He’d throw things or break something, which Sam had explained to him was just how some people processed their feelings. But Jack hadn’t missed the tension in Sam’s shoulders, the way he flinched when Dean got mad. Cas, too. Dean would yell at all three of them, sometimes, and Jack would watch as Sam clenched his jaw and Cas ducked his head, pain in his eyes. He didn’t like seeing them hurt. He didn’t like seeing Cas hurt, and Dean was sometimes the cause of it. 

For some reason, the thought of Cas being in love with Dean felt like a betrayal. And that brought on a wave of guilt, because it shouldn’t. It _shouldn’t_ , and Jack knew it. They both loved Dean. He was their family. So if Cas loved him a little more, or in a different way, why did it matter? Why should it…

“Jack, _breathe_.” Cas’ hand on Jack’s back brought him back to his senses, and he realized he was holding his breath, nails digging into his palms. He took one breath in, albeit shaky, and exhaled it all in a rush. He felt lightheaded. Cas started rubbing circles on his back, and he spoke evenly and quietly.

“There’s… there’s all kinds of love in this world, Jack. There’s love between friends, love between siblings, love for a child or a parent, and yes, romantic love. And sometimes…” he let out a sound that was half a laugh, half something else Jack couldn’t identify. “Sometimes you can’t really tell what it is you’re feeling. Because it’s love, but it’s not just friendship, or siblinghood, and it’s certainly not lust. It just… is.”

Jack blinked away the moisture in his eyes, swallowing hard and turning to look at Cas. The arm around Jack tightened a little bit, and Jack didn’t shrug off the contact. He listened. 

“Some people call that “family,” and some people never find the words for it. I just call it love. Whatever it is that Dean and I had, it was always… complicated. I always believed there was good in him, of course, but he crossed lines.” Cas paused, his voice having tightened in anger, and Jack knew what they were both thinking of. _We need to go somewhere safe_. 

“I always wanted things to be easier. To match some kind of label, but they never did. Maybe that’s just not how the world works, because people are much more complicated than a single word, and they aren’t defined just by one relationship. And I suppose that for me, acknowledging that I felt something when I was made to feel nothing at all must have done the trick and given me my moment of true happiness. But I promise you, nothing will ever change how much I love you, Jack. And I’m sorry… I’m sorry I left you that way. You should never have had to go through that.”

Jack gave half of a nod, trying to wrap his mind around all of this. Cas’ words did make him feel a little better. Not good, not yet, but better. He liked the idea that love was just love, in all its forms, beautiful and broken and painful. Still…

“True happiness?” he said. “What are you talking about?”

Cas dropped his arm in confusion, and Jack sat up straight to face him. 

“My deal with the Empty said that when I experienced a moment of true happiness, it would…”

“No.” Jack shook his head, cutting him off. “No, it said permission to be happy. I don’t think… that isn’t the same thing. Right?”

He was sure he knew what the Empty had said. He’d turned those words over in his mind a million times, replayed the scene like one of Dean’s movies on the back of his eyelids. Some part of him had always been searching for a loophole, it had just gotten knocked to a lower priority as the world was ending because he’d thought he didn’t need to worry about Cas being happy. It had always sounded like a far-off thing, a long-term curse. Not something that could happen in a year. 

Cas was shaking his head, radiating confusion. “I…”

“I don’t understand,” Jack said, his heart hammering and stomach plummeting and eyes burning. It still didn’t make sense to him, any of it- it just felt like a nightmare he wished he could forget. “I don’t… what made you happy?” 

Cas’ eyes trailed around the whole room, that furrow still between his brows. He looked back to Jack, and he seemed to make a decision. He stood, gently guiding Jack to stand with him. 

“Come with me,” he said, and Jack did. They flew to Earth, to an empty spot in an even emptier desert. It was nighttime there, the air cool and dry, with a breeze stirring up the sand. It looked silver in the starlight.

Castiel paused for a long moment, face angled up to the moon. He was stretching his wings. 

“I’ve always wanted to bring you here. But without wings, it would have been impossible.” Castiel’s voice was more quiet than usual, almost reverent. Jack looked around again, the significance of the spot totally lost on him.

“Where are we?” he asked. The change of scenery already seemed to help him breathe easier. It was like the fresh air was clearing his mind, though it still couldn’t shake the heaviness from his heart.

“Long ago, millions of years ago, this was a shoreline. And it’s the site of one of my earliest memories.” 

Jack followed Castiel’s gaze to an innocent spot in the sand. There was nothing there, but Cas walked over and crouched down, touching his fingertips to it. Jack knelt down beside him, placing his hand beside Castiel’s.

“Right here is where one of the first sentient forms of life to walk on the ground emerged from the ocean. Right here, she crawled her way out of the water and into the sunlight. I remember one of my older brothers, they brought a few of us fledglings down to see it. They said to me, ‘Don’t step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish.’”

Jack stared, attention captured. Castiel _never_ spoke about his past. But he did now, with a faraway look in his eye. As if he was living it again.

“I watched her grow from Heaven, but I wanted to be down here. I wanted to speak to her, help her lay her eggs. When she died, eaten by her young, I wanted to save her. But I couldn’t. Because that was part of the big plan for that fish.”

Castiel stood, brushing the sand from his fingertips. Jack stood with him, the two of them looking out over the sand dunes. 

“My memories after that are… hazy. There’s gaps. And I’ve always been afraid to tell you that, Jack.”

Jack swallowed, surprised to find his throat dry. “Why?” 

“Because I was made to be a weapon. I was never supposed to be… this. Not a father, not a friend. Nothing but a hammer. I remember, vaguely, watching the humans when I wasn’t on assignment. I remember that I wanted to walk among them, not to _be_ a human but to understand them. There were too many needless deaths, too much unnecessary pain. Too many infants too sick to survive, too many mothers lost in childbirth. I think perhaps I wanted to help them.”

“You think?” 

Castiel glanced at him, the moonlight casting shadows in his eyes that seemed to unveil his true form in its towering glory, all eyes and wings and arms. Even all of that seemed to look upon Jack with love.

“I think, because I don’t know for sure. All I knew then was the cycle of orders and obedience. Disobedience, and punishment. I don’t know if I disobeyed, because of those gaps. I don’t know what I’ve done, the lives I must have ruined. If I wanted the things I’ve wanted for the past twelve years, then perhaps I also wanted them then. There’s no way to be certain of anything until Dean.”

Jack’s brow furrowed. “Dean?” And Jack was struck, then, by the realization that he didn’t know anything about how Castiel had met the Winchesters. All of a sudden he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“Dean was my mission. I led a garrison of angels into Hell, past an army of demons. I raised him from the pit, and I brought him back to life. What I wanted then was the glory- and I was the one to complete the mission. I was the one to raise the righteous man. So I shouted it, boasting with all the self-inflated overconfidence of the Devil himself. And I thought myself so noble.” Castiel scoffed, eyes still searching the sky. Perhaps looking towards Heaven, to pair the place with the memories. 

Jack’s eyes stayed on Castiel.

“Anyway, I was assigned to Dean. ‘Guard the Righteous Man, Castiel. We have big plans for him.’ Because it’s always a big plan, isn’t it? But watch over Dean, I did. And what I wanted was his respect. There I was, a celestial being, and he looked at me like I was an ant on the sidewalk. I fought to earn that respect, maybe I did at some point. I don’t know. But I never truly had it to keep. And Sam-“ Castiel shook his head. Jack couldn’t tell if it was in fondness or self-deprecation. “-I wanted to understand him. Both Winchesters subverted my expectations, you see. I was told that Dean was righteous and pure, but he took to iniquity like hydrogen to oxygen. I was told that Sam was evil and selfish and petty, but I was met with a man who shook my hand and stood up against Heaven’s orders for people he’d never met. A man who damned himself to save humanity. So Dean asked me to rebel, to fight against the Apocalypse, and I thought that perhaps in order to understand humanity I had to be _like_ humanity. And Dean, who was really my first exposure to humans, certainly embodies many of their key characteristics. And he operates outside of any authority, without fear of the punishment for disobedience.” 

“So you rebelled,” Jack breathed. He’d known it had happened, on some level, but he’d never heard the story.

Cas spared a smile for him, albeit a sad one. And then he was back to looking at the stars. “So I did. I rebelled for my first friend, the first individual being besides God that I knew I loved. Because I love my brothers and sisters, but we were all automatons. Oftentimes it felt as if there was nothing organic there at all, though now I know it was. On my end, at the very least. And when I returned to them after the Apocalypse was averted, after I’d attempted to raise my second true friend from the Cage, after I’d spent a year, something that had never been more than a blink to me before, fighting with a band of humans to save the world- that’s when things really started to go wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing, that I could teach the other angels what Dean, and later Sam, had taught me. That I could teach them free will, and choice. But I was wrong, in the worst way imaginable. I can’t tell you the specifics yet, maybe not ever. It would change the way you think of me, and I couldn’t bear that, Jack.”

He looked at Jack then, radiating so much guilt and shame that Jack nearly took a step back. Instead he took a deep breath and stepped closer, so his arm was brushing against Castiel’s.

“It couldn’t,” he assured.

Cas clenched his jaw and nodded, self-deprecatingly, but he did bump his arm gently into Jack’s. They both looked up at the moon, peeking out from behind a cloud. Just a wisp of a thing, and fading, bathing them and the sand around them in more of that low ethereal shine.

“The point is, I made a lot of mistakes. And I wanted so much in those years- forgiveness, acceptance, freedom, penance, usefulness- but above all, I wanted a place. I wanted to belong. And do you know where I eventually found that place?”

Jack shook his head, and Cas’ smile was the most genuine it had been all night. 

“I found it with one human woman, one of the bravest people I’ve ever known. And I found it with her miracle baby, who somehow chose me, trusted _me_ , to take care of him.” 

Jack didn’t know how to feel. All he could do was listen.

“And I tried. I failed. I learned. But you, Jack- you were the missing piece. You are my belonging. Because with you, I have a home.” 

A tear rolled down Jack’s cheek, swept away by the stinging desert air. 

“Then why did you leave me?” he asked, his voice too soft and too loud, echoing across the sand but getting swallowed by the stars.

“Because I saw a chance. A one in a million chance to save one of the people that I love most in this world. And I had to take it, Jack. I’ve changed, but I’m still the same. I’m still just a page to be turned in the book of big plans.”

Jack took a shuddering breath, watching Castiel closely. That wasn’t true- he didn’t believe it. Tears were running down Cas’ face, too, glowing silver in the moonlight. 

“But what made you happy?” Jack asked. And he waited with his heart in his throat, because Amara was right. He was afraid to hear the answer, and he still didn’t know why. 

“In all my millions of years, I’ve always wanted something. I wanted to be a good soldier, I wanted to save the world, I wanted to step on that first fish. But the one thing I think I’ve always wanted, more so in these last years, is to be loved by my family like I love them. Because my siblings, my kind, they hate me now. They’ve hated me for years. Castiel, with a crack in his chassis. That’s all I am to them. And Sam and Dean- I love them so dearly, but I know they can never love me the same. I’ll always be _other_ to them. An outsider.”

Jack hated seeing that pain on Castiel’s face. He wanted to fix it, but he was afraid he’d been the one to break it.

“But… but I love you, Cas.” It was all he could think to say, an attempt to patch up what had long since shattered into pieces smaller than the grains of sand they stood on.

Castiel took Jack’s hand, squeezing it as he nodded. 

“And that’s why you’re my home,” he said, blinking more tears from his eyes. Jack could barely see it through the fog in his own.

“But despite that,” Castiel went on, “despite finally having found a place, something was still missing. I’d spent so long chasing after something unattainable, whether that’s unconditional love from the Winchesters or the other angels or God, that it would always be just out of reach until I let it go. I wanted true happiness. I wanted the perfect family, and I wanted to be an angel and a Winchester at the same time. But I can never, ever have that. And for whatever reason, when it occurred to me to use my death sentence to save Dean- I found the courage to let it all go. In that moment I realized it was enough just to love you. To love Sam. To love Dean. It was enough just to love the world, even if it has beaten me down again and again. It was enough to die for the human who helped me change, if I could finally love myself, and thank him for the life he’d given me.” 

Cas squeezed his hand again. Jack just struggled to breathe.

“I’m so _sorry_ , Jack. I’m sorry that I left you like that. I’m sorry we didn’t get to say goodbye, and I’m sorry that your life was cut short by this power. My faith in you isn’t meant to be a curse, and if it’s a burden then I’m sorry for that, too. But, Jack, you’re changing the world just by being you. That’s why you can do this job, and that’s why you’re better suited to it than Chuck could ever dream to be. It’s because you care, and you feel, and you’re you. I know it must be overwhelming, and it must feel so unfair. It _is_ unfair. So whatever you feel, whatever you need, I’m here. If you need to be angry at me, or if you just need someone to talk to, I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere this time. Because this- Heaven, with you- I think this is what true happiness feels like. I can be an angel, and I can be with the humans that I love when they reach us. And I can be with you. You’re right, the deal was about permission to be happy. I remember it now; it must have gotten blurred over time. And maybe the two go hand in hand, that’s yet another thing I don’t know. But we can figure it out together, just you and me. I promise you that.”

“Because you’re my home?” It came out strangled, like the words wanted to die in his throat instead of being heard. 

“If you want me to be, then yes. Always.” 

It wasn’t far to go to close the distance and bury his face in Castiel’s shoulder, Jack’s arms around his waist. Cas held him, hands warm and reassuring on his back. The world felt far too big, and even though they were both bigger than this, cosmic wavelengths folded into fragile bodies, even tethered, in Jack’s case- somehow the physical touch was grounding. 

They pulled away after a long moment, one of Cas’ hands still firm on his shoulder. 

“Alright?” Cas asked, looking him in the eyes. 

Jack took a deep breath, taking in the stillness. It was darker now, the moon hidden behind a thicker cloud and the stars going to sleep. The horizon held a pale red glow, just a thin line across the top of the land. There was so much out there, so much he didn’t understand. How was he supposed to watch over all of it? 

He looked back to Castiel, standing there in solidarity despite everything. Cas could understand him, had always understood him in a way Sam and Dean couldn’t, especially now that Jack was truly and ultimately cosmic, much as he would always love them for trying. And it seemed like Cas did understand having emotions you didn’t begin to know how to process.

Maybe Castiel and Jack could be their own Sam and Dean. Home in that way no one else could understand. 

“I don’t know,” Jack responded, feeling resolve budding in his heart. “But I know we can figure it out together.”

They stood and watched the sun begin to rise, in the spot where life had once changed forever. And they flew back to Heaven shortly, since they still had plans to fulfill. Not big plans, not even small plans- just plans. Plans that they chose, and plans they wanted to carry out. 

Cas and Jack had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just think that Cas loves in a way that's almost unique to him and is almost deeper than our human labels, you know? I'm not denying that he loves Dean, it's clear that he does, I just don't think it necessarily has to be romantic in the human sense of the term. And it certainly does not define his entire character. I go a little bit insane when I see people talking like it does. 
> 
> Also, I tend to be very critical of Dean's treatment of both Cas and Jack. I honestly think that it's healthiest for them to keep a bit of distance and learn that they do not need Dean's validation. Sam's too, to an extent, but there's a lot of nuance and grey area there. So that's kind of my two cents on this whole crazy mess. If you interpret the scene entirely differently, that's fine by me. Let's just be civil, sane human beings about it :)
> 
> Thank you for reading, and the next update should be next week! Comments breathe life into my soul, so I'd love to know what you thought :)


	8. Bygones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry this update is late, I got hit with some writer's block this week and then it took longer to finish it than I anticipated.
> 
> Here's one last long chapter for y'all. I hope you enjoy!

Jack and Cas flew back to the Lobby, the silence there so viscerally different from the quiet of the desert at night.

Cas turned to him, a hand hovering near his elbow. 

“You’re sure you’re feeling better?”

Jack shrugged. “No. But I think it helped.”

Cas nodded, looking pained. 

“I just…” Jack sighed. “I just can’t think about losing you. And then I did, and I- I didn’t let myself process it. And now I don’t have to, so everything I’m feeling is just…”

“It feels like a mess,” Cas finished for him.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I think you’re very brave. Being honest about your feelings, sometimes it takes a whole lot of courage. Sometimes, it’s the scariest battle you can fight.” 

Jack pinned his gaze to the ground and pinched his hands, biting at his lip. He knew things would get better, but it just felt like… like everything was weighing him down. Like it was all too heavy, the weight of his mistakes and his doubts and his fears drowning him.

“Do you want to go back to the Winchesters?” he blurted, acutely aware of the way that Cas straightened up. He was taken aback by the abruptness of the subject change.

“I… I don’t know,” Cas admitted. Jack turned to look at him again. “They’re my family, of course. Our family. But… part of me has always just wanted to be an angel. Are you sure _you_ don’t want to go back?”

Was he? The short answer was no. But he thought about everything that had happened, what Amara and Rowena and Kevin and Adam had said. Spending his whole life fighting for acceptance wasn’t a good way to live. He knew the Winchesters loved him, and he loved them. Cas, too. He was beginning to realize, though, that staying stuck in that constant spiral wasn’t healthy. 

‘Healthy’ wasn’t a word he’d use to describe his life. He’d died three times, and that definitely wasn’t healthy. He knew that relationships were supposed to be, though. He remembered Sam telling him not to take a lot of the relationships he saw on TV as archetypes for that very reason. So maybe space, being on their own- maybe it was what they needed.

“I think that part of our story ended. I think this is where we’re supposed to be.”

The truth of it stung like an electric shock, but Jack felt more confident about it than he had before. And knowing that Cas really wasn’t going to leave again… it helped. Maybe things would get easier after all. In spite of everything.

“Okay. We’ll stay.” Cas smiled at him, eyes gentle. Jack tried to smile back.

“I still need time.” Jack’s voice cracked. He needed a lot of things, and he didn’t know how to say it. Cas seemed to get the unspoken bits, though.

“You’ve got it. And you’ve got me. Okay?”

“Okay.”

————

They split off, going back to work with organizing the souls. Jack helped a few families reunite, trying his best to give them benevolent smiles. His heart wasn’t in it. He wondered if Cas’ was, or if they were both struggling. Maybe not. Cas had found some odd peace in his death, whereas Jack… well. He’d just found pain.

He sighed, closing his eyes and honing in on his mother’s location. He needed to talk to her. 

She was talking to another soul, smiling softly and holding their hand. She was good at this. The person thanked her and turned away, and Kelly turned in the opposite direction, startling a bit at the sight of him. 

“Oh, hi, Jack,” she said, her smile fading as she took in the look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Am I doing the right thing?” Jack asked, his voice sounding small to his own ears. 

Kelly stepped closer. “What do you mean?”

“All of this- should I have just left it alone?”

“No,” Kelly said, grasping at his hands. She squeezed them until he met her eyes. “No. All of these people, they’re so grateful. They’re happy that they get to see their families again. You’re doing a good thing here, baby. A very good thing.”

He took in a shaky breath, trying to hold back his tears. Trying to believe it.

“Did something else happen? With your errands?”

“I couldn’t really make things better,” Jack said, dryly. “And Cas-” 

He cut off, and Kelly frowned. “Did you fight?” Her voice was gentle, but it was laced with intensity. 

“No,” Jack said. “No, we just… talked.”

“But everything’s still confusing, huh?” Jack felt his eyes widen in surprise. How had she known?

Kelly gave him a half-smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything else, Jack. He died, and it was sudden, and it was painful. And then he came back, but anger is a natural part of grief. I never lost a parent, so I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. What I do know is that he loves you, and that you are more than strong enough to get through this.”

“I don’t know what to do, mom.” Jack took another shuddering breath. He was so sick of feeling like he was being torn apart inside. “What do I need to do to make it feel better?”

“Sometimes there’s not something you can do. You just have to take time to heal. You love him, right?”

“Of course I do,” Jack said, immediately. He was almost offended that Kelly could ever doubt that.

“Then I’m sure the anger will fade with time.”

Jack exhaled, feeling like a deflated balloon. Except instead of air, he was letting out emotions. 

“It’s already faded,” he said. “Now I’m just… tired. I’m worried things won’t be okay again.”

Kelly thumbed the tear that fell free away from his cheek. “Jack, they will be. It’s good that you’re talking things out. If it helps, I used to fight with my dad sometimes too.”

“You did?”

“I did.” Kelly smiled, with a touch of mirth. “I, um. I nearly ripped the bumper off his car when I was 17 because I wasn’t paying attention while I pulled into the garage. That was not a pretty conversation, let me tell you.”

“You messed up his car?” Jack gasped. He couldn’t imagine how Dean would react if someone messed up the Impala.

“Not badly,” she said, defensive. “It was only 600 dollars worth of damage. It could have been a lot worse. And it came straight out of my bank account.”

Jack just shook his head in wonder. 

“My point is,” she continued, taking his hands again. “When a parent and a child love each other? And they talk to each other? They can get through anything. Anything from parking mishaps to resurrections.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so.” She squeezed his hands and then let them go, and Jack dropped them back down to his sides.

“Have you set up your Heaven yet?” Jack asked, deliberately changing the subject. If he wanted to let things go, he supposed he’d just have to work hard to put them in the past and leave them there. It was _Cas_ , and Jack had gotten through losing him before. Maybe he’d just have to remind himself to be grateful he had more time with him at all. The last thing he wanted was to waste it.

“Uh, no,” Kelly said. “I’m not really sure that I know how.”

“You can imagine anything you want. Anywhere you want to be, or anything you want to have- and that can be your home base. And you can always change it later.”

“So I just think about it?” At Jack’s nod, Kelly closed her eyes, and they were standing on a shoreline. A familiar shoreline, beside a lake.

“Is this the house where I was born?” Jack asked, looking around. 

“It’s the same location, but the house is different. A little bit nicer. I sort of envisioned the house I’ve always wanted.”

Jack beamed. “That’s good. You’ll be happy here, right?”

Before Kelly could answer, Cas appeared behind them, looking stressed. Something was wrong.

“I, uh. I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Of course not. You’re part of the family, Cas,” Kelly assured, taking a step forward.

Cas’s eyes softened at that, but his demeanor was still off.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked, worry knotted in his stomach.

“Kelly, your mother has just arrived here.” 

Kelly’s face fell into shock, and Jack felt like his heart was dropping all over again. He found Cas looking at him with sympathetic eyes. Of course- Jack had told Cas what happened. About what he’d nearly done, and how his grandmother surely hated him now. Was terrified of him.

“She’s dead…” Kelly whispered, disbelievingly. “How?”

“Unexpected respiratory complications,” Cas informed. “It was peaceful, all things considered. And natural.”

Kelly nodded, taking in the news as best she could. “Can I see her?”

“Of course, that’s why I came to find you. But…” Cas trailed off, inclining his head in Jack’s direction. Kelly turned to look at Jack, confusion written all over her face.

“I went to meet your parents,” he told her. “Twice. I couldn’t tell them who I was, or that you were dead. The first time was nice, but the second… they figured out that I lied. And that I wasn’t human. They’re terrified of me.”

“Okay,” Kelly said. “It’s okay. We just have to explain that you’re my son, and that you’re half angel, and she’ll understand. I know she will.”

Jack nodded, fighting back a fresh wave of anxiety-borne tears. 

“I can bring her directly to the house, if you’d like. I can wait out here with Jack while you… soften the blow,” Cas said.

“So I don’t screw things up again, you mean.”

“No,” Cas said, voice raised slightly in exasperation. “For ease of transition.”

“Okay,” Kelly stepped between them. “I’ll go in the house, and I’ll signal somehow when it’s time to come in. Not because anyone is going to mess things up-” she looked pointedly at her son “-but because this is a fragile situation. It’s just strategy, okay? No one is at fault here. All of this is just a family misunderstanding.”

Jack nodded, and Cas blinked away again. Kelly gave him a reassuring smile and pat on the arm as she walked into the house, leaving Jack to sit down on the front steps.

\---------

The whoosh signifying Cas’ arrival beside him didn’t startle Jack at all. He just continued to stare at his shoes where they settled into the sand.

“They’re having a very joyful reunion inside,” Cas said. If he was trying to break the tension, it wasn’t working.

“It won’t last,” Jack mumbled, grinding the toe of his shoe into the ground.

“Jack, you heard your mother. Once we explain the situation-”

“I almost killed her, Cas!” Jack took a deep breath, trying to regain some of his composure. “Just like I killed Mary. I almost did it again, because I wanted… I don’t know what I wanted. It was stupid to ever go looking for them. And now she thinks I’m just a monster. That I killed her daughter. And she’s right about that. I don’t know what I can say to make it right.”

“Some things can never be made right,” Cas said, quietly. “Some things can’t be undone. And that’s difficult, in fact it’s often truly terrible, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try. Sometimes an apology, even if you can’t expect forgiveness, is necessary for your own peace of mind at the very least. We all make mistakes, Jack. What’s telling is our willingness to rectify them, and how we feel as we attempt to do so.”

“Are you talking about me and the Winchesters?” 

Cas’ eyes widened. “No. I was talking about myself, and… and my vessel. Jimmy.”

“Oh.” Jack paused, picking at a loose wood splinter on the stair. “It applies to me too.”

“Maybe with Mary herself,” Cas said gently. “But I believe Sam and Dean should have told you that they forgave you. To me, it was never even a question.”

“I should find Mary. I have to apologize.” Jack looked to Cas for an answer. He found a mirror.

“And I should apologize to Jimmy. After we talk things out with your grandmother, we can go and say our respective pieces. If you’re ready, that is. You have time, remember that.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. But I’ll always be sorry. Mary deserves to know that. And I need to let things go.”

Wordlessly, Cas settled a hand on Jack’s shoulder and squeezed. It was a silent reassurance. A simultaneous _I love you_ and _I’ve got you_.

Cas straightened. “Kelly’s praying to me. That must be her signal. Are you ready?”

“No. But I think I can do this.”

“Yes. You can.” Cas nodded at him, pride in his eyes, and they walked into the house together.

\---------

Kelly hadn’t seen her mother since before Rooney was elected President. It seemed like Helen Kline was just as thrilled to see her daughter as Kelly was to see her.

They hugged fiercely, Cas giving Kelly a nod from behind Helen before he teleported away again.

“They told us you were dead, and we didn’t know how… we didn’t know…”

“Mom,” Kelly said, cutting off her mother’s panicky rambling. Helen stared at her, tears in her eyes. Now that Kelly had a child herself, she thought she could understand. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Do you know where you are?”

“That man, he- he said I was in Heaven. That I’m dead.”

Kelly nodded, guiding her mother to sit down on the couch.

“We are,” she said gently. “He’s an angel, named Castiel. And he’s… he’s sort of a friend of mine.”

“An angel.” Helen’s voice was full of wonder. “They’re real? And they talk to you?”

“Castiel’s sort of a special case, but yeah. They do. As of recently, the angels do talk to us.”

Helen looked around, shaking her head like it was nearly too much to take in. It probably was. Kelly took her hands.

“Kelly,” Helen said. “Sweetie, you were pregnant. Your baby, what-”

“It’s a lot to explain,” Kelly said, keeping her voice level. “I had the baby, but I- I died in childbirth.” 

Helen’s face fell, and Kelly rushed on with the story before her mother could interrupt.

“And we knew that was likely to happen, because my baby, he’s… he’s half angel.”

Kelly held her breath, awaiting the reaction. This conversation could really go any number of ways.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Forcing a small laugh, Kelly continued. “His biological father is… is Lucifer,” she managed, choking a little bit on the name. She loved Jack with all that she had, but thinking of when he’d been conceived was hard for her. She’d gotten stuck in a vortex of those thoughts, once, when she and Cas were preparing for Jack’s birth. Cas had looked her in the eyes and apologized so gently and sincerely that she wondered if he knew more about what this kind of violation felt like than he was letting on. Maybe she’d ask him some day, or maybe she’d just let it fade away into wisps of memory. Might be easier that way for both of them, if what she suspected was true.

“I didn’t know that at first,” Kelly added hurriedly, “and he’s nothing like him. And I felt the good in him, but I knew it was going to be risky, and that he would need guidance when I was gone. He sort of… talked to me, and he told me that he wanted Castiel to be his father. So Cas promised me he’d take care of him. And he did.”

“Oh my God,” Helen said, jaw hanging. “Oh my God.”

“I think you just have to meet him, now. Don’t… don’t be afraid of him, please. I promise he’d never hurt you.”

_Castiel_ , Kelly thought. _It’s time_.

The door opened a few moments later, and Cas tentatively stepped into the room, followed by a nervous looking Jack.

“You,” Helen whispered, standing up. Her eyes were wide and frightened, her hands trembling a bit where she held them at her throat.

Kelly crossed the room and took a gentle hold of Jack’s arm.

“Mom, this is your grandson. Jack.”

Jack raised his hand in that little wave of his, his voice choked and nearly silent when he said “hello.”

“You- you’re- but how? The baby should only be four years old, just about. It’s… I don’t…”

“It’s due to his angel side,” Cas spoke up, looking at Kelly as if asking for permission to speak. “It allowed him to physically age at a faster rate in order to better protect himself.”

“Mom?” Kelly asked. “Are you…”

“That’s why you asked all of those questions,” Helen said, pinning Jack under her stare. “That’s why you… but then your eyes… oh, Lord.” She sank back down, putting her head in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said. “I never- I never should have bothered you. And I shouldn’t have lied. I just wanted to get to know my family.”

Kelly held tighter to Jack’s arm, and Cas took another step closer. Jack had family, no matter what, and they were going to make sure he knew it.

“You’re really my grandson?” The question was addressed to Jack, but Helen looked at Kelly.

“He is,” Kelly said, seeing Jack’s accompanying nod in the corner of her eye.

Helen surprised them all by crossing the room and taking Jack into her arms. He sank into it, every muscle relaxing in his relief. Kelly and Cas exchanged glances, exhaling their own tension. 

They were going to be okay.

\----------

Castiel found Jimmy and Amelia Novak sitting at a picnic table, likely manifested from one of their fondest memories together. They were smiling at each other over their food, but those smiles faded as soon as they caught sight of him.

“Hello, Jimmy. Amelia.” Castiel kept his hands in view and his posture relaxed, trying to appear non-threatening. It likely didn’t work when he still appeared with a stolen face.

“Castiel,” Jimmy said, tone brisk. Masking icy knives. “Do you need something else from me?”

“No. No, I- I’ve just come to apologize.”

Jimmy’s eyebrows arched in surprise, and he exchanged a glance with his wife. 

“Amelia, could you give us a minute?”

She nodded, sending a glance at Castiel that was none too kind as she stood up from the table and walked away. Castiel took her place, clasping his hands on the wooden tabletop.

“Jimmy, I- I know nothing I can say or do can ever rectify what I’ve done to you-“

“Got that right,” Jimmy mumbled, arms crossed. He wasn’t even looking in his direction. Castiel tried not to let it affect him.

“But I need you to know that I regret it. I regret it more than anything else I’ve done, and I’ve done some terrible things.”

Jimmy turned his eyes to Castiel, looking at him directly. That face was younger, less lined, eyes brighter. But it was still the face that haunted him every day, every second that Cas walked by a reflective surface. 

“I was… I was overconfident, and far too self-righteous in those days. That’s not an excuse. I just wish I’d known what I do now, or I would have found another way.” 

“Really.” It wasn’t a question, and it dripped in cold sarcasm.

Cas sighed, in total defeat. “Yes. I took your body, I took your life, I took you from your family. I took you from your daughter, and in doing so cursed her to look at me as a reminder of all that she’d lost. All that I’d stolen. And I know now what that feels like, from both perspectives. You have every right to hate me, Jimmy. So I’m not asking for forgiveness, I just-“ Castiel took a deep breath, an unnecessary habit he’d picked up over time but couldn’t seem to break. “If you want me dead, I will give you my blade. I know nothing can make this right, but if it will help…”

Jimmy shook his head, looking affronted. “No, I’m not gonna kill an angel. I’m dead, what does it even matter?”

Cas swallowed. He’d said his piece, now he just had to wait. 

“Look, Castiel. I get it. Really, I do. And thanks for coming to apologize, but honestly? I don’t want to see you again.” 

Castiel nodded, solemn. “I understand,” he croaked, getting up to leave.

“But,” Jimmy continued, and Cas sank back down. “I appreciate it. You’ve changed. You’ve… defrosted, a lot, and I think it’s a good thing. You’re more of a… of a…”

“A doof?” Cas suggested.

Jimmy stared. “How’d you know I was gonna say that?”

“Claire did.” 

“You- you’ve seen Claire? Talked to her? Amelia said you were around, but I didn’t think…” Jimmy’s jaw dropped in wonder, his eyes bright and roving around as if he could find some hidden meaning in the molecules around him. “Is she okay? I mean, she’s all grown up now, isn’t she?”

“She’s doing well, I promise. She’s found a family, with several adopted sisters. A good woman to guide her, a sheriff named Jody Mills. And she’s in love, with a very nice girl.”

Jimmy’s brow furrowed. “A girl?”

Castiel feared he’d said the wrong thing. He wasn’t left worrying for long.

“Well, I can’t say that’s what I expected.” Jimmy smiled again, softer this time. “But she’s still my baby girl. And if she’s happy, I’m happy. She _is_ happy, right?”

And those eyes were on his stolen ones, now, begging for reassurance. Castiel gave it. 

“Yes,” he said, simply. “She is.” 

Jimmy’s sigh of relief was music to his ears.

\-----------

Jack knocked on the front door of the house he recognized as Sam and Dean’s childhood home. He’d seen a picture of it, all faded and grainy, in the Bunker once before Dean had snatched it away. That had been early on in his life. Before Cas came back the first time.

The door opened, and Jack came face to face with a dark-haired man.

“Who the hell are you?” The man asked, and Jack startled at how much of Dean he could hear in that voice. A little bit of Sam too, if Sam was really angry.

“You’re John Winchester,” he breathed, half disbelief and half wariness. Mary had told him that her husband was a good man. Sam and Dean told him that John wasn’t a good father, but he was when it counted. Jack had never been sure what that meant, exactly. He’d asked Cas about it one day, but Cas just said that he had never met John and thus couldn’t form his own opinion.

“Yeah? And who the hell’re you?”

“I’m Jack,” he said, tentatively, wondering why John didn’t open the door all the way. Hunter’s habit, maybe? “I’m a friend of Mary’s.” Well, he’d probably lost that privilege, but he still loved her. He always would.

“John, let him in.” _Mary_. Jack’s breath caught as she shoved John out of the way, opening the door fully to face him. Jack swallowed hard, clenching his hands into fists.

“Mary, I’m so-”

“Jack Kline, don’t you dare tell me that you’re sorry.”

Jack just looked at her, shocked by the words. “But I… I am sorry.”

“You weren’t yourself. So… it’s okay. I forgive you.”

“I don’t…”

“Sweetheart,” Mary said, reaching out to take his hands. “I mean it. I’m okay, see?”

Jack shook his head, blinking away some tears. “No, but I- I killed you. You’d still be with your sons if I hadn’t…”

“Jack, I died in 1983.” She sighed. “The extra time I got? My second chance? It was just a bonus. Maybe it got cut a little short, but I’m okay. I’ll see my sons again eventually. And that’s thanks to you, right?”

Jack nodded. Mary smiled at him.

“So of course I forgive you, Jack. You’re one of my boys.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes,” Mary insisted. “You do.”

Maybe he could start believing that too.

\---------

“So you’re really an angel,” Helen Kline said, looking at Castiel in awe. He shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny, Kelly’s hand on his arm stilling him.

“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Yes, I am.”

“Not exactly what I pictured,” Helen began, but she was interrupted by Jack coming back inside the house. Cas and Kelly both stood to greet him.

“How’d it go?” Castiel asked, carefully studying the set of Jack’s shoulders on the look on his face. Jack gave a small smile. Not much, but it was honest. He seemed lighter, more confident. 

“It went well,” he said, and the room collectively exhaled.

Yes, things were getting better after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes on this chapter:  
> -The wiki says Grandma Kline's name is Helen, so that's just what I went with. They never said it in the show and I thought that would be easier than typing "Mrs. Kline" a million times, lol.  
> -Also, much as I love Jack, his conception is Not Good, to say the least. Let me know if I need to add any tags/warnings because I discussed it. And in case you were wondering, the similar experience I hinted at Cas having was not only being possessed by Lucifer but also the whole terrible situation with April the reaper in 9x03. I get uncomfortable every time I think about that scene.  
> -I'm not pro-John, but to be honest I didn't really know what to do with him here. I feel like Jack hasn't heard that much about him though, so he wouldn't really know what to expect either.
> 
> Sorry for rambling in the notes, ahaha. Thanks for reading!


	9. Sunset

_Time heals all wounds_. Jack had heard that phrase all over the place- he’d overheard it from the next booth over in a roadside diner somewhere, one where the leather of the seats was cracked and the windows were dirty but the air was warm and the food was good. He’d heard it from the more optimistic survivors in Apocalypse World, the ones who still had hope glimmering in their eyes. He’d heard it from the people they saved on hunts, as a sort of goodbye before they drove away. 

He hadn’t really known what it meant until now. 

\----------

The funny thing about time in Heaven was that it didn’t really pass. It was a nebulous sort of existence, all drawn out and never-ending. It felt like a second and a century were passing all at once, and it was… _nice _.__

__Their next order of business was to get Heaven’s leadership organized. He’d seen firsthand the horrors of Dumah’s power grab, and Castiel had told him of other angels attempting similar plots in the past. Without an archangel to lead, the hierarchy was not clearly set._ _

__“I think you should lead, Cas,” Jack said one day, as they were surveying Heaven at large, making sure there weren’t any large conflicts. “I trust you.”_ _

__“I…” Cas hesitated, and Jack turned to look at him, brow furrowed. Wouldn’t Cas want the job?_ _

__“Thank you, Jack,” he continued, “But I’m not… I’m not a good leader. I’ve attempted to lead Heaven in the past, and each time has been disastrous. Not to mention that I’m not exactly… respected.”_ _

__Jack frowned. “But that was the old Heaven. It would be different now. And besides, shouldn’t they respect you if they respect me?”_ _

__Cas smiled, but it was more like a grimace. “It’s not that simple.”_ _

__“Why not?”_ _

__“I’ve always been somewhat of a… liability. A threat, if you will, to God’s plan.”_ _

__“Okay.” Jack dragged out the word, still extremely confused. “I know that you rebelled, and I remember what Chuck said, about the crack in your chassis. But isn’t that a good thing? If it’s what makes you you?”_ _

__Castiel’s sigh was oddly affectionate. He ducked his head, turned to look at Jack with his eyes all soft around the corners. “I’m flattered that you think so. But no, it’s not. And it’s made me quite unpopular over the years. Whoever you place in charge must be someone who commands respect, and that just isn’t me.”_ _

__Jack didn’t think that was true. “You’re talking about Naomi, aren’t you?”_ _

__He didn’t miss the way Cas stiffened at the sound of her name. That was the prevailing reason why Jack still didn’t like her._ _

__“Yes, I suppose I am.”_ _

__“I know that you said she’s complicated,” Jack said. “And she seems dedicated to the souls, but I don’t trust her. Why do you?”_ _

__“She… Naomi is not burdened with personal connections. She cares, but above all she is pragmatic. Practical.”_ _

__“You’re practical,” Jack countered._ _

__Cas didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, which Jack took as a win._ _

__“Why don’t you and Naomi work together?” Jack suggested._ _

__“Work together?” Cas repeated. “Jack, I don’t think that’s-”_ _

__“She can do the practical things, and you can speak for the human souls. Like a mayor!”_ _

__Jack tried not to bounce in excitement. He was proud of this idea._ _

__“Maybe.” It was an acquiescence. “I just don’t think that I’m right for this.”_ _

__“Well, _I_ think so. And this way I know Heaven will be in good hands while I’m gone.”_ _

__They stared at each other for a long moment, Jack refusing to back down. Cas could do this, he knew. Jack had complete faith in him._ _

__“Alright. If you’re sure, let’s find Naomi. And I will try.”_ _

__\--------_ _

__Naomi agreed, much faster than either of them had expected. She really did put Heaven’s best interests first._ _

__\--------_ _

__Heaven fell into a routine. The angels had rounds that they took, checking in on souls, guiding new arrivals, and maintaining the new structure. Cas and Naomi met often to discuss any problems or changes that needed to be made, and Jack often attended those meetings as well. Cas and Naomi made a very good team, all things considered. Jack noticed Cas flinching less and less, so he hoped they’d talked about whatever it was that had been making Cas uneasy. Maybe he’d tell Jack about it someday, but if he didn’t then Jack didn’t want to push._ _

__They re-established the office area of Heaven, or what approximated an office, where birth and death numbers were crunched and power calculations were performed. Some angels volunteered for those jobs, and some others preferred to stay more hands on. No one was stuck in a job where they were unhappy, and there was always opportunity for the angels to change assignments._ _

__Cas seemed more sure of himself in his leadership role every day. Jack found that he was incredibly proud of his father, and that it was a good feeling. A peaceful feeling._ _

__Like home._ _

__\--------_ _

__Jack spent as much time with Kelly as he possibly could. They read books together, and Jack jumped at the opportunity to watch Star Wars with her. Kelly manifested her childhood dog, Roosevelt, who loved trying to climb up Jack’s leg and running around in the yard with him._ _

__They ate meals together, Helen coming over frequently to help them cook when it became evident that both younger Klines were disasters in the kitchen. Helen doted on him now that she’d adjusted to having a cosmic grandson, much to Kelly’s dismay. He’d overheard them playfully arguing about it while baking one day, Jack having just come back inside from taking Roosevelt on a walk._ _

__“You’re spoiling him, mom!” Kelly had admonished. Helen just laughed._ _

__“That’s what grandmas are supposed to do, Kelly. Don’t you remember your Grammy stuffing you full of ice cream every time you went to visit?”_ _

__“You’re worse than Cas,” Kelly had said. “At least he can resist the puppy dog eyes _sometimes_.”_ _

__“Woman of the household, dear. It’s a tough job. Don’t you remember your father was always a marshmallow around you, too?”_ _

__Hearing that conversation, it had felt like Jack was really and truly part of a family. Not because of what he could do, but because of who he was. It felt… _safe_._ _

__\---------_ _

__They made sure to have a family dinner (with Cas included, of course) every week or so. What they felt best approximated a week, that is. The four of them around a table, eating dishes that each came with a story of Kelly’s childhood that often left her red-faced and hiding behind her hand. Jack loved every new detail he learned about her._ _

__The food was always wonderful. And Helen always forced Cas to take a plate too, even if he insisted that he didn’t need to eat. Kelly would simply say that none of them did, and Cas really couldn’t argue with that kind of flawless logic._ _

__Some days he missed the Winchesters so much that it burned, and he was sure Cas felt the same way. But stories diverge, sometimes, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Sometimes it leads to finding peace you never thought was even possible. Led to attaining a sort of happiness that had always seemed to float just out of reach._ _

__People were even harder to let go than mistakes, he supposed. But it wasn’t impossible. And even when you did, when with each passing moment it felt less and less like your heart was drowning, you never had to let go of the love you felt for them._ _

__Love was immortal._ _

__\---------_ _

__Cas took him flying. They’d go down to earth, just the two of them, to ancient ruins or beautiful natural wonders. Cas would tell him stories, and Jack listened with wide eyes and an open heart._ _

__Today they were looking out over a lake, the air cold around them. Not uncomfortably so, and certainly not enough to freeze the water, but enough to feel in a crisp caress against their skin. Jack liked this kind of weather._ _

__The sun was setting, and they faced into it, watching the sun dip down lower and lower, feeling themselves become encompassed in the shadow of the coming night. They didn’t talk much, just admiring the sight. Sometimes they didn’t need to talk to enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes it was enough to simply be._ _

__Jack leaned against Cas’ arm, resting his head on his father’s shoulder. Cas brought an arm around him, and Jack could tell he was a little bit confused at the unprompted affection. He shouldn’t be._ _

__“Jack?”_ _

__“Thank you,” Jack said, nestling into him a little further. “For everything.”_ _

__“Jack, you don’t ever have to thank me.”_ _

__“I know.” Jack smiled. “But I want to. I’m just… I’m happy that we have this time together.”_ _

__Cas tightened his arm, affectionately squeezing at Jack’s shoulders before relaxing his grip. He looked out over the water, at the same place where Jack was looking. At the oranges and reds and pinks shimmering there, reflections from the setting sun._ _

__“Me too,” Cas said, soft as Jack had ever heard. “Me too.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love to imagine the Kline family (Cas included! He's an honorary Kline in my heart) has a little bit of a domestic life in Heaven. And of course Jack has to go to work as God, and Cas has to do his angel stuff, but that doesn't mean they can't be home for dinner!
> 
> Just one more little chapter! Thank you so much for reading :)


	10. See You Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a teeny tiny chapter to finish up :)

The meadow seemed much more peaceful than the last time he’d been here. Perhaps that was because Jack himself had settled into a calm. Calm like the cloudless blue sky, like the stillness of the air, like the proud, tall stems of the wildflowers. He took a deep breath in, face to the sun. It felt nice.

“You seem lighter, nephew. It’s time, isn’t it?” Amara’s voice came from behind him, but the gentleness of her tone made it so he didn’t startle. He turned to face her, hands resting at his sides. She’d changed her outfit. 

“Did you go somewhere?” Jack asked. Simple curiosity.

She shrugged, a soft smile playing on her lips. “I took a little trip to Vegas while you had your family time.” 

Jack nodded. “I’m glad.” 

Amara stepped forward, tentatively resting a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s alright to feel a little apprehensive. Our work isn’t going to be easy.”

Jack rested his hand on top of Amara’s. “I know. I just don’t know how to tell them.” 

A sad smile. “You’ll figure it out. And they’ll be proud of you, I’m sure of it.”

\----------

Jack opened the door to their house on the lake and stepped inside, pausing in the doorway to take in the scene. His grandmother sat in a rocking chair by the fireplace, resting her chin on her hand and smiling. Kelly and Cas sat on opposite ends of the couch, Roosevelt on the cushion between them. Roosevelt, who was currently trying to climb up Castiel’s arm, much to the angel’s dismay. 

Kelly was laughing, the sound of it like the rainbow after a storm. She pulled the dog away from Cas, but not before Roosevelt managed to get in a good lick to Castiel’s nose. Cas merely furrowed his brow as he wiped it off, but it sent Kelly further into her hysterics. Despite the dour look on his face, Jack could tell by the eyes that Cas was indeed happy.

“Jack!” Helen’s voice cut through Kelly’s laughter, and both of his parents turned in his direction at her exclamation, their faces softening. Roosevelt leapt from Kelly’s lap and ran to nip at Jack’s ankles. He knelt down to scratch behind his ears.

He looked up, the room having gone quiet. He must have given it away with the expression on his face, because they all looked at him like they were on the verge of crying. Like they knew. Cas spoke first, voice low.

“You’re ready, aren’t you?”

Jack nodded, and he saw Kelly reach out and take Cas’ hand. The air didn’t feel as light and free as it had when he’d walked in, instead feeling like it was full of tension. Like it did in the moment before lightning struck and the rain started to pour down. Even Roosevelt seemed aware of the somber mood, whimpering softly as he laid down on the ground. Jack stood up with a final pat of Roosevelt’s back, clasping his fingers in front of him.

“I’m sorry, ready for what?” Helen asked. Jack turned to face her directly.

“I have to leave,” he said, trying his best to ignore the way Kelly was squeezing Cas’ hand in his peripheral vision. “I have to go and fix all of the alternate universes that my grandfather- my _other_ grandfather-” he clarified, “ruined. I’ll be back, but it might not… it might not be for a very long time.”

Helen brought her hand up to cover her mouth, expression stricken. Jack turned towards Cas and Kelly, swallowing hard. This was much more difficult than he’d anticipated, but it was nice to feel like he wouldn’t be let go easily. It made him feel loved.

“Please don’t be sad,” Jack added, looking at each of them in turn. “I just have a job to do, and then I’ll come back home. That’s all.”

“We know,” Kelly said at last, voice watery but strong. “We know, baby. It’s just hard to let you go again.”

Jack started to say something, but he got cut off by his mother crossing the room and pulling him into her arms. He sank into her embrace, holding her tight. Her fingers smoothed through his hair before settling on his shoulders when they pulled apart.

“It shouldn’t even feel like much time has passed at all,” he said, hating the way his voice clouded with tears.

“You know that I’ll be waiting.” Kelly cupped his cheeks, just looking at him, tears pooling in her own eyes.

“I love you, mom,” he whispered.

“I love you too.” She kissed his cheek and then stepped back, sniffling as she went. Jack turned to find his grandmother standing just behind him. She too came forward to hug him.

“I know we didn’t have the best start,” Helen whispered. “But when you get back, I’m going to spoil you with all the sweets you can eat, alright?”

Jack smiled. “That sounds great,” he said. It really did. Grandparents- good, not-homicidal-maniac grandparents- had never really been in the picture for him. He hoped he’d be able to properly meet his namesake when he got back, too.

Helen moved to stand behind Kelly, an arm around her. Jack turned to Cas, who was watching him with a sad smile on his face. 

“Can you walk me to the Lobby?” Jack asked. Cas looked surprised, but he recovered quickly.

“Yes, of course. If that’s what you want.”

Jack nodded, facing his mother and grandmother once more. The last time for a while, but not the last time in forever.

“I’ll see you soon,” he promised.

Kelly smiled at him. He thought he could see an endless spring of pride in that smile.

“Bye, Jack.”

Jack waved goodbye, and walked out the door. Cas followed him, closing the door softly.

They walked along a brick path rather than a barren hallway. It was similar to the dirt path in Amara’s garden, enough so that Jack wondered if he’d subconsciously manifested it.

“Jack, um… why are we going to the Lobby, when you could leave from anywhere? I just- I thought you’d want to say goodbye to your mother last.”

He paused to think about it. “I’m okay. I’ll see her again. I’ll see you again, too, I think I just… this just feels right.”

Cas let out a sound that could have been a laugh. “Alright. I suppose that’s as good a reason as any.”

“And-” Jack took in a deep breath “-I need you to promise me that you’ll all be okay.”

“Well, they’re both very capable, but of course. I’ll look after them, and Heaven, until you get back.”

“Yourself, too,” Jack insisted, and he stopped walking. “You have to take care of yourself too.”

Cas looked like he wanted to protest, but he acquiesced with sincerity. They continued walking, almost to the Lobby now.

“When the Winchesters get here, will you visit them?” Jack asked, trying to keep his tone casual. He knew now that loving the Winchesters was a dangerous game, and though they would always be his family, sometimes being around them was a risk. It shouldn’t be that way in Heaven, but…

“I think I’ll wait for you, and we can visit them together.”

Warmth bloomed in Jack’s chest, and he began to smile. “I’d like that.”

And then his smile slipped, because they’d made it to the Lobby. And he didn’t think goodbyes would ever be easy.

“Jack…” Jack turned back to face Castiel, trying to puzzle out the expression on his face. He didn’t think it was one he’d seen before. 

“Cas?”

Castiel shrugged off his trench coat, moving forward to tuck it around Jack’s shoulders. He shoved his arms through the sleeves in shock. He’d only worn the coat once before, and that… that hadn’t been under the best circumstances.

“Cas?” Jack repeated. 

Cas straightened the collar, one of his hands lingering to squeeze Jack’s shoulder before he let go. It was odd to see him without the coat; Jack couldn’t imagine how strange it must look for him to be the one wearing it.

“I know you don’t exactly need material things, where you’re going. Well, it’s not as if I need them, here, but… but this coat, in all its variations, has given me a great deal of comfort over the years. And maybe that’s inexplicable, but…” he trailed off with a shake of his head. “I wanted you to have it. As a reminder that I’m with you.”

Jack grinned, spreading his arms a bit and looking down at himself. 

“It’s a little big,” he laughed.

Cas smiled. “Yes, well. I’m sure you’ll grow into it.”

Jack took a deep breath, feeling lighter despite the heavy fabric on his shoulders. “Thank you, Castiel.” 

Jack stepped forward into Cas’ arms, one last hug for however long it took before they’d see each other again. And they would see each other again. Jack would make sure of that. 

Castiel’s lips pressed to the top of Jack’s head before they broke apart, Jack tugging the sleeves of the coat up a little bit. Cas watched him with a lopsided grin. 

“What?” Jack asked.

“I’m just… I’m so proud of you, Jack. I know your mother is, too. We’re just… you’re doing incredible things. There’s no one I would trust more to make the universe better.”

Jack smiled again, ducking his head. Praise still made him feel a little bit undeserving. He met his father’s eyes again, taking in a deep breath. This wasn’t goodbye. This wasn’t death, this wasn’t lonely, terror-filled separation. It was just life, maybe a role he’d never expected to play, but life all the same. And besides- what were a few decades apart when they had eternity to spend together?

“I’ll see you soon, Cas,” he managed to say, bringing his hand up in a wave. Cas copied the motion. 

“Goodbye, Jack.”

And Jack was off, fading into the air to join Amara’s essence as they leapt into another world. They had a lot to do, yes, lots of problems to fix- but Jack would go home soon. And he couldn’t wait to see his family again.

\-----------

Castiel’s gaze lingered on where Jack had stood, before he pulled his eyes away. He felt cold, ridiculously, without his coat on, but he also felt soothed by the knowledge that it was with Jack. It felt like some small part of Castiel was still there to protect him. 

He turned to the Lobby’s exit, the hallway back into Heaven proper. A light shone from there, a light Jack had been responsible for putting up. The flame he’d ignited. It wasn’t the sun, not quite, but it was perhaps even more beautiful because of where it came from. Jack’s goodness had created it, so to Castiel it was made of pure joy. 

He turned his face to it, and in its warmth he closed his eyes. 

Castiel smiled. Once upon a time, this moment would have been perfect for the Empty to come and take him to its inky depths. Now, though…

Now he had a life to lead, human souls to shepherd, and a son to wait for. 

And he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all, folks! I've always been a little bit in love with the idea of Jack inheriting the trench coat, so I hope you found it cute as well <3
> 
> If there's demand, I'll write a coda to this with a Team Free Will 2.0 reunion complete with more hugs and emotional conversations. Just let me know if you'd be interested!
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated! And feel free to come chat me up on [tumblr](https://kitkat-alpaca.tumblr.com/)! I mostly post Cas and Jack, so if you liked this story you might like my content there too ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me on this story! I hope you enjoyed it!


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